Being emotionally detached from the guy you're hooking up with and acting as if his tendency to eye every girl that passes him by is harmless is terrible and degrading. Today's generation has an odd fascination with avoiding genuine love. We belittle any emotions that resemble love and are cautious about appearing to care "too much."
It's almost normal to be in love with someone you don't even follow on social media. Almost every woman in her 20s can share a significant, life-changing relationship that was never defined as such. There's no tangible evidence that the "relationship" ever existed beyond the minds of the people who experienced it and the friends who aided in the aftermath. There were no photos, status changes, or outings, and no physical or virtual trace indicating anything beyond the occasional acknowledgment that two people slept together.
Related articles: Can You Be Friends After a Situationship?
People have always had sex, but sex hasn't always been meaningless and compartmentalized. While our parents wore each other's letterman jackets and mailed love letters, we, the rejected, sad, and lonely 20-somethings, explore Tinder for "something casual" and stare wide-eyed at the ellipses on our iPhone screens, praying that what we just typed, without AutoCorrect's help, doesn't make us sound like emotional wrecks.
Sex is inherently emotional, and once you sleep with someone, you develop a soul tie with them. Even when you're no longer in bed with them, they'll remain in your head, as if you've been with them a thousand times before your thirty-minute hookup. Your thoughts will be consumed by their absence, and you'll feel disconnected from the start because you've given away your most prized asset. Using sex to create the illusion of an emotional connection may work for a night, but the next morning, you'll feel emptier than ever. You'll cover your body with a blanket to be less vulnerable, but it won't work because the vulnerability will stem from your soul.
Related articles: How to Stop Seeking Validation From Guys
Related articles: 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding
Using sex to feel more self-confident may work temporarily until he leaves, and you'll realize that you feel worse about yourself because he didn't stay, even though you knew what was on the table. In a casual relationship, you'll have sex with him because you want a relationship, and you hope that someday, he'll choose you. You'll reason with yourself that having this, whatever it might be, is better than having nothing at all, and that's tragic because settling for a relationship that offers no commitment is like settling for a house with no foundation – it doesn't make sense.
When it comes to a casual relationship, neither of you owes each other anything. That means the lines between commitment suddenly blur, and ghosting is the new form of breaking up (which is probably a given). What happens in most cases is that even if you have written out the law-binding boundaries that you both will "follow," one person will undoubtedly get hurt.
Related articles: What Makes a Relationship Different from a Friendship?
Related articles: What is Self-Abandonment?
This isn’t because you're a flawed human being and you can't abide by the laws that govern society. It's actually because you are abiding by a set of Universal Laws that govern the heart. You see, the heart will always want what it can't have. It doesn't matter if this person is probably the furthest thing you need; your heart is going to perceive them as the one thing it craves. When you enter into what I call a limited relationship (one that exists in the in-between), you are giving your heart an expiration date and committing to picking up the pieces when it shatters.
When two people don't want to commit to one another, it leaves room to date other people. Like it or not, unless there is a discussion or promise to be exclusive, each party is free to do whatever they would like, with whomever they would like. This can be quite uncomfortable when reality slaps you in the face, and you realize you do not want to share the person you've been investing time in with someone else. It happens a lot in casual relationships and usually leads to one, or if not, both people feeling extremely hurt.
Related articles: How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts About a Person
Related articles: Why Men Have Emotional Affairs: Part 1
Once the realization that the ending you were tragically subsiding from passes, the path to healing becomes clear – it's time to cut ties and "break up" with this person; that way, you're one step closer to finding your one and only. And when an almost relationship comes to an end, there’s usually not a definitive breaking point. There’s just drifting, fading, and then, of course, an inquiry – the thought of what happened, what went wrong. This form of an almost relationship is not sustainable, and it’s crazy to think that it's normal to connect with someone on such a raw and deep level and then just not care about it.
It's normal to want to form a connection with someone, and casual relationships allow that to happen quickly. If you don’t have a support system of strong women behind you, most of the time, the next best thing is to find that support in someone else. It’s okay to feel things. It’s okay to want a relationship, and it’s more than okay to say that out loud. Conversely, it’s also okay to "just have sex" when you aren’t doing so out of an ulterior motive.
Related articles: My Ex Slept With Someone Else and Wants Me Back
Related articles: When a Guy Breaks Up With You, Will He Come Back?
If you aren’t ready for a relationship and you want to have casual sex, you are free to do that. If you find freedom and empowerment in casual sex, then you should be safe, comfortable, and reassured that your choice is your own. You should do whatever makes you genuinely happy. It’s crazy to act like a connection you forged between you and another human being at your most vulnerable point is normal to walk away from as though it meant nothing.
Casual relationships are great for feeling true freedom, but don’t be afraid to scratch the surface in a world that values shallow connections.