by Danielle Wright
What is a Vampire Invitation? It is usually when a hobosexual or predatory man gets you to invite him into your home. A great example of this can be seen in the film, For Colored Girls.
Image Credit: IMDB | 'For Colored Girls' Film
The film follows a series of women—similar to ‘The Joy Luck Club’ (an excellent film, 10/10 highly recommended)—revealing different issues that impact them, women of color in particular.
The character Yasmine, played by the beautiful and talented Anika Noni Rose, is attacked in her home when she invites her date Bill inside. Yasmine’s character is kind and charismatic; she offers to cook dinner for her date, and as she’s preparing the meal, she finds herself in a precarious position of sorts... this stranger in her home begins undressing when her back is turned.
Slowly, she comes to the realization that he is up to no good; unfortunately, she is then raped. Although this is a film, it’s not uncommon—as of 2023, over 50% of women have experienced physical or sexual violence. One of the easiest ways for this to transpire is by allowing a man into your home who is essentially a stranger to you.
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Men who we meet on dating apps are notorious for low effort dating. We’ve seen an influx of women taking to social media to address their concerns on why it seems that men are so comfortable inviting them to their homes for a first date… well, the answer is, men do not fear women. Men know that they are physically stronger and capable of warding off an attack from a woman in any capacity. Whereas women do not have the same advantages and so, you should always avoid meeting a man in his neighborhood or home for a first meet-up at all costs. Both you and your date should be traveling at least 15-30 minutes from your homes when meeting for the first time.
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION
When dating, you should be asking for the following: precise time, date, location. Once you have secured this information, you need to relay it to a family member; this could be a brother, father, or mother, and in other cases, a best friend. Someone should know where you are at all times!
Most men will attempt to bypass this stage, pretending as though this information is not pertinent or as though you are trying to garner something from them that they cannot provide. This is a major red flag. A man with good intentions and a good upbringing will immediately understand why you need this information, and he will supply it without question.
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CALL A CAB
Only predators will require you, a stranger, to go with the flow or ask that you provide your own mode of transportation to their desired location. When dating, I used to drive to another house—about 15 minutes from mine—park, and have my date send me an Uber or Lyft to bring me to the restaurant. Men never knew my address. This is the smart way to date, and if you do not have a car and cannot drive to a nearby location, then walk to a corner store or grocery store, change your shoes, and then ask that he pick you up from there. Do not give your address to a stranger.
STRANGER DANGER
When a man tries to convince you that you are overreacting or that him knowing your address is not a big deal, this is a red flag because he has no regard for your time or safety. This man is not looking for a relationship, but just someone to hook up with. This happens because he is trying to convince you that he is not a stranger, hence making it easier for you to let your guard down, invite him over for the second date, or go to his place where you will be more susceptible to having sex with him. Once the sex happens, you will notice his change in behavior—he is no longer asking if you made it home safely or checking on you throughout the day. You no longer hold the power.
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CALL TO ACTION
Men know when they’re being predators, so never go back and forth with them. Once you’ve established your boundaries and they are unwilling to respect them, then it’s okay to delete, block, and walk away. These men are strangers and are not obligated to care about you; you are responsible for yourself. Relying on a man to care about your safety and well-being when you’ve never established anything with them is controlling and unhealthy.
There is nothing good that can come from a relationship that starts off rocky or relies on you to push your boundaries aside to gratify their desires. You are a person and you deserve to be loved and respected. Remember this and be sure to always act in your own best interest when dating. If it sounds suspicious or too good to be true, then it usually is.
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Men who go back and forth with women or try to wear them down feel entitled to do so, and if they feel entitled to do that, then there is no limit to where they will go. Once you show that you’re willing to compromise so early on, the favors will keep pouring in, and it will continue to happen on a regular basis. Before you know it, he will be taking advantage of you, and once the relationship ends, you’ll be placed in a state of feeling like you have to heal. Healing only happens when you pour into someone else’s cup and they never pour into yours. Healing is the equivalent of having to replenish yourself. Don’t let that be you.