When a Guy Pulls Away, Do Nothing

It’s no surprise that women and men experience love differently; men date using logic and women tend to lead with their emotions. So, typically when a man begins to distance himself a woman will question the relationship or situationship. Either way, she is feeling rejected and as a result, she may consider chasing him.

Yes, there are numerous articles online that talk about this topic, but let’s be honest, they are selling you a fairytale. Since joining TikTok a year ago I have noticed an influx of “tarot readers” and for the fakes their messages all seem to share the same tone, “He’s coming back babes” and “Don’t worry he misses you and regrets how badly he treated you!” Oh, and my favorite, “He is coming towards you fast. Expect communication in 24 hours.”

But what do they get out of this? You see, it’s the same reason companies like Disney have made billions off of the princess story—princess meets prince, the princess becomes a damsel, the prince saves the princess and they live happily ever after. However, that’s not the real story. The truth is hidden behind our emotions.

It’s the comfort of familiarity that shapes our imagination into believing our internal feelings to be real. It’s validation for women that since we lead with our emotions in dating, we simply cannot be crazy for thinking the man we love does love us back. Thus, we must show him how special we are.

Feeding our delusions (a false belief or judgment about external reality) is what keeps the clicks coming, the views, and the investment at the box office, it’s what keeps women stuck in a reality they have conjured up. In the end, this makes you, the woman, want to chase because how could he possibly not want you? How could he possibly not see how cool and amazing you are? How could the life you’ve envisioned in your mind not be real? Simple…it’s the world around us.

So, to that, I say, how can you become a free-thinker and step out of the system? First, stop thinking that when a man pulls away it means he has feelings for you. No man on this planet is going to pull away from a woman he likes—he is going to fight tooth and nail to keep her interested and engaged.

He is also not going to take months or years to put a ring on her or make her his girlfriend. Most men do not want to risk losing the one they love. If you met him at the wrong time (i.e. he is not financially stable, emotionally intelligent, etc.) then rest assured he will return once things in his life begin to improve.

If he does not within the max of 90 days, it is time for you to move on indefinitely. Some men do return after 90 days, but by then you will have healed and probably won’t be interested in him anymore. At that point you’ll earn the title, of ‘the one who got away’ and that is always the best title to have.

No other woman can ever replace his love for you. But the more you long for him, pull on his energy, the more you push him further into the arms of someone else. That is the reality. That is the truth others do not want you to hear because you will simply click the box closed or swipe up to see the next video.

Another mistake women make is they lose themselves in their partner far too early. At that point your partner is not given the space or time to miss you, so they ghost you or pull away to take that time by force. When someone has to remove themselves from your presence to get a moment to breathe, that is called codependency on your end. You cannot have a successful and healthy relationship if you are codependent on someone else for love or validation.

The best solution to this problem is to consider speaking to a therapist to learn more about your attachment style, the type of love you attract, and how you can go about making a change that will re-spark his interest. If you find yourself unable to go a day or two without speaking to your specific person, then perhaps you’re not busy enough. You can consider taking on some additional hobbies like starting an eCommerce store using places like FeetFinder, Shopify, or even Etsy.

Each of the aforementioned has something unique to offer. With FeetFinder you can share risqué images of yourself anonymously or even simply your feet, hands, or hair. There is a market for everything. If you’re working on producing content and reaping the rewards of your hard work, guess what, you’ll want to continue doing it. The same goes for starting an Etsy shop or a store with Shopify.

Hobbies are a great way to keep busy and keep yourself occupied while your person is living their life or if he’s pulling away, you won’t be tempted to contact him. When you spend less time worrying about the other person you give that person an energetic pull towards you, versus a push away from you.

Take back your mind, time, and power by investing in your self-interest. The things that make you happy and keep you inspired. Plus, if he ever does come back think of all the cool new things you can share with him…your time apart is a blessing and you can use this time wisely to elevate your career and/or personal life.

WHAT IS THE REAL STORY?

Grab lunch with your friends, reconnect with family and know that I am not saying that the princess fairytale does not exist, but what I am saying is none of those princesses chased a man. Once the men learned of them, they were smitten and determined to have their princess. You are the princess in your story, the version without the rose-colored glasses.

by Danielle Wright