top of page

What Is the Role of Sexual Identity In Relationships?

by Danielle Wright

A trend on social media can open our eyes to a wide array of changes happening around us—whether political, familial, or romantic.

Today, men and women seem to struggle with dating as men enter their "soft guy era" and women display more traits of masculinity than ever before. The phrase “We are the rich ni**as with money” has replaced the slogan “Money over bi*es.” Women have undoubtedly dominated the influencer and content creator space since as early as 2010, and as a result, many men find it harder to keep up financially and socially, yet they are still expected to cover 80-100% of the bills and support their partner. Are men happy? On the surface, yes, but on a deeper level, no.


Recently, I went on vacation with my cousin and his wife, and to my surprise, she revealed that she is solely responsible for paying all of their household bills—from rent to food. Yet, during the vacation, my male cousin paid for most expenses—the flight, luggage, food, etc. In a moment of transparency, he expressed his deep unhappiness, much to her disapproval.


“I pay for everything so he can focus on his business. I don’t know what he’s stressed or unhappy about,” his wife exclaimed. “I just hate that he doesn’t give me credit for the things I contribute.” While I couldn’t disagree with her, my cousin struggles with not being the provider in his household. Moreover, I observed that his wife often speaks over him, ignores him at times, bosses him around, and shuts down any moments of emotional vulnerability he displays. This could very well be the root of his unhappiness.


Men often believe that being the provider gives them control and protects their ego from being bruised. In the case of my cousin and his wife, her role as the breadwinner appears to emasculate him. Masculine men who date women who are the primary providers in their relationship are often not happy or comfortable, but many will stay until they achieve their personal goals.


We've heard the saying, “Never help a man get on his feet when there are men who are already standing.” This stems from the belief that when women hold financial power, it can bruise a man's ego. Men may project their insecurities, assuming that if a woman has money, she might cheat—because, for them, more money often means more options. While this projection may not hold true for women, it can lead to a breakdown in communication and ultimately the demise of the relationship.


Most men will leave a financially secure woman for one who is not because it is easier to cheat and be unfaithful to the latter versus the former. The woman with more resources has the ability to exit the relationship quickly and efficiently, unlike the woman who does not. Additionally, most men struggle with monogamy. It is important to discuss the role of sexual identity in your relationship.


THE ROLE OF SEXUAL IDENTITY

The average relationship may not delve into the topic of sexual identity because it seems self-explanatory, but when a relationship hits a wall, conversations about gender roles are often missing. As I mentioned earlier, social media trends can be eye-openers.


While some trends may be amusing, others are quite disturbing and should be studied for the truths they reveal. For example, the ‘big back’ trend exposes sizeism, while the ‘Kut Klose (Get Up On It)’ trend reveals men who struggle with their sexual identity by asking women for money, demanding low-effort meet-ups, or expecting women to lead in planning dates. These men may be grappling with their sexual identity.

Want to read more?

Subscribe to shessinglemag.com to keep reading this exclusive post.

Comments

bottom of page