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May 65 min read

What Is Negging?

by Harley Miller

Picture this: a guy asks you on a date after adding you on social media, and you decide to go.

Upon planning for the evening, you break out your best outfit, do your hair and makeup real nice, only to arrive and hear him say, “I don’t really go for girls who like to get dressed up and wear a lot of makeup.” Now, you must do a double take because the social media profile to which he added you has a profile grid filled with lovely images of you… dressed up and wearing makeup. So, why would he say that?


The term "negging" is a type of emotional manipulation that involves giving backhanded compliments or making comments that express indifference toward another person, usually a woman, in an attempt to humble that person, making it easier to seduce them. A perfect example of this was when I was dating a guy for some time and his birthday arrived.


I decided to take him to a restaurant in the city called STK. I wore a beautiful outfit. Once we arrived, were seated by our hostess, he complimented the space and how much he loved the ambiance. He then looked to me and said, “Maybe next time we come you can get dressed up.” I almost cried. Meanwhile, I had on a gorgeous dress, heels, my makeup was beat, and my hair slicked back into a laid ponytail. In that moment, I had to see the date through and almost gagged once the bill arrived as it was over $400 plus a tip. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again.


WHY DO MEN LIKE TO HUMBLE WOMEN?

Yes, even the so-called good guys do this too. The humble game is a tactic used to gain control over the person you’re with. It’s no coincidence that when we see a woman being mistreated by her boyfriend and she refuses to leave, we first question her self-esteem.


Having high self-esteem to men means that you’re not as easy to control, so they’ll have to work twice as hard to impress you or bed you. Let’s face it, they don’t call it ‘work smarter, not harder’ for nothing. Next, is competition. You would be surprised by the number of men who are in competition with women—women they date, marry, and even have children with.

Related articles: Signs Of A Feminine Man

Related articles: What is Masculine Energy?


Asking a woman on a date only to humble her is part of a deep-seated insecurity that allows men to have more confidence that the woman they’re with will not look at other guys or find other men attractive. In other words, he’s making sure that you feel like he’s the prize, so you’ll work harder to impress him while making yourself less attractive to men who may be better off financially or conventionally more good-looking.


Another way men ensure that you’re unavailable to other men is by impregnating you before marriage. This is why for a large group of men, they will say things like, “marriage is just a piece of paper and having a baby is less of a commitment than getting married.” It’s never about being a family man or settling down; it’s about control, it’s about having you as a possession. You become an object—no longer a person—to whom they can lay claim to and tell others about in an effort to devalue you.

Related articles: What Is Toxic Feminism?


We hear it all the time: men with baby mothers who say they would not consider dating single mothers. How can a man who is a single father himself have such standards? It’s simple; they’ve devalued the women they’ve made single mothers, which simultaneously devalues them all.


OTHER FORMS OF NEGGING:

Negging can take on many forms; it’s not always as black and white as I’ve outlined above. Sometimes, it can look like sarcasm, disparaging comments, withholding positive words or compliments, and even undermining your achievements. Men who do this are not happy with the trajectory of their lives, and some even detest women and their opportunities so much that they will go as far as to physically harm them.


A common theme I’ve seen among our tribe is women speaking out about having to beg or nag their partners for gifts or compliments. Some women are led to believe that the man they are with simply hates or dislikes them, or perhaps she’s not doing enough to warrant a compliment. Here I am to tell you that these issues have nothing to do with you and more to do with him.


If he’s staying with you despite not liking you only to mistreat you, then he is the problem. If you’re staying with him despite how poorly he treats you, then you have a problem. We have to be cognizant of our actions and the things that are within our control. If you don’t like something, change it.


SARCASM among men is a big one! If you’re not a "guys girl," then all of a sudden you’re too sensitive or can’t take a joke. Well, the joke's on them. If they want to make dad jokes, then they should get a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. Many men struggle with identifying their sexuality, and while they may enjoy sex with a woman, they do not like feminine energy outside of anything physical. This man could be bisexual or homosexual—either of which is fine—but they have to be honest not only with themselves but also with the women in their lives.


The act of negging could require exploration, and while your partner may become irate or offended by the question, it’s safer to know early and plant the seed than to wait months, even years into your relationship and find out then. Psychologically speaking, if you wish to end a behavior, you can either negatively reinforce it or add a negative connotation to it. For instance, if your partner is displaying any type of negging behavior, you can address it once and then attach a negative reinforcement to it—stop doing something for him or to him that you know he is fond of.


Another option is adding a negative tone (connotation) to the behavior. People will often forget a person’s words, but they never forget how someone made them feel. Emotions drive decisions. If he knows that his negging is going to lead you to do something that will leave him with an unpleasant feeling, he will not do it.


There you have it, Missies, and don’t forget to check out some of our quizzes:

  • Funny couples quiz

  • Romantic questions for couples

  • Intimacy quiz for couples

  • Relationship assessment test

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