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May 305 min read

What Does It Mean When You're Seeing Your Ex With Someone Else In a Dream?

by Danielle Wright

Dreams are a wonderful human experience and can serve as direct messages from our spirit guides, helping us through life and giving us the answers we seek in the 3D. Dreams occur during sleep—specifically during REM sleep. Lucid dreaming is something different, which we will explore later in the article.


SIGMUND FREUD – DREAM THEORY

According to Freud, “Dreams could provide valuable insight into an individual’s unconscious desires and conflicts.” He went on to say that “Dreams are a form of ‘wish fulfillment.’ They represent the unconscious desires, thoughts, and motivations that our conscious mind represses.” So, when you dream about an ex or see your ex with someone else in your dream, it could very well mean that you want that person back in your waking life.


This is okay to admit. However, for many of us, it’s not easy to acknowledge, and instead of accepting this revelation at face value, we search for answers along the lines of, “He’s thinking of you, that’s why you’re dreaming of him,” or “He’s manifesting you, that’s why you’re dreaming of him.” While two things can be true at once, it’s more likely to be the former rather than the latter.


If you’re ashamed to admit that you want your ex back, it could mean a few things: (1) they broke up with you, (2) they mistreated you, or (3) you feel there is unfinished business. Either way, you’re consciously aware that the relationship is over, but you’re still desiring that person or the sense of familiarity they provided. The person they’re with in the dream is only your manifestation, likely conjured up because you might have dealt with infidelity in your relationship or had insecurities about it.


“I frequently have dreams about my ex and his baby mother, not because I want him back but because I have not truly healed from that situation. When we were together, I found out via Facebook that he was expecting a child with someone else. He even went as far as renting an apartment for them all to live in so they could raise the baby together. This hurt me very badly because the young lady was nine months pregnant by the time I found out,” Lisa K. Stephenson shares.


“He then went on to physically abuse me, berate me, and over time, as more layers of the situation unfolded, I learned how much he was using me and my resources to fund that young lady. I had to write about it to deal with the pain, and it’s still a journey to healing. But I know that seeing them in my dreams is only a part of the recovery process.”


WHAT TO DO?

This is not your sign to reach out and reconcile, despite what some bogus tarot readers on TikTok may tell you. This is actually a great sign from God or the universe that you are healing and still have more work to do. Healing is not linear, and it’s not an overnight process. Healing takes time, but more importantly, it takes discernment. Taken from Psalm 119:66, the term means "taste." It is the ability to make discriminating judgments, to distinguish between, and recognize the moral implications of, different situations and courses of action.


When you have discernment, you can listen to or experience certain things, like having a dream about your ex, and remain unfazed by them because you are prudent enough to know that it is not your reality. It’s simply your body telling you that there is still more work to be done. We disappoint ourselves when we refuse to be discerning and listen to our guides. When you’re able to remove your emotions and act logically on the things happening around you, you are better able to be secure and grounded.

Related articles: Signs Your Ex is Miserable


LUCID DREAMING

Lucid dreaming occurs when you are aware that you are dreaming while you sleep or prepare your body for REM sleep. When you can manipulate your dreams, it’s lucid dreaming. When you’re simply acting in your dreams or witnessing events as though watching something play out on a projector, that is your subconscious dreaming.


Lucid dreaming is not uncommon, nor is it unusual to dream about a past person during this stage. Usually, when this happens, it’s more of a comfort thing rather than a life lesson that needs to be taught. Both types of dreams can contribute to your healing process because you don’t want to be subconsciously reminded that you need to heal, nor do you want to actively think of someone just to get that dopamine hit needed to put you to sleep.


When we lose a relationship, it’s equivalent to losing a loved one. You need those moments when you can conjure up that person in your mind, have happy and fulfilling thoughts about them, and then go to sleep. Sometimes, those thoughts are better than the relationship you had with them in the 3D world. This is perfectly normal, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed.


Perhaps there was an argument that ended your relationship, and in your lucid dream, that person comes back, apologizes, and you both run off into the sunset. That is the case for many of us, and surprisingly, this can also contribute to your healing process. If having them in your mind is far more peaceful and gratifying than having them in real life, then it’s safe to say that that’s where they need to stay.


Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with yourself. It’s easy to tell other people, “I don’t like this” or “I don’t feel comfortable when you…”, but sometimes you need to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself, “I don’t like being codependent in relationships if this is going to be the outcome. I need to change.” Ask yourself what is causing you to feel mentally stagnant, and then work on manifesting a new life for yourself. Journal your thoughts and tell the universe exactly what you want. Then begin to tell yourself that that is the life you are living. You control your destiny, so get back in the driver’s seat.

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