Understanding the Dynamics and Implications by Danielle Wright & Author, Lisa K. Stephenson
By now if you have a TikTok account or you’re subscribed here at She’s SINGLE, you have some knowledge of what it means to be a kept woman.
If not, no worries, I am happy to tell you. According to the Oxford Dictionary, a kept woman is a woman who is given money and a home by a man who visits her regularly to have sex.
Last year Lisa K. Stephenson did an interview where I distinctly remember her saying, “An old-fashioned kept woman is only as valuable as the wallet between her legs.”
There is this ongoing conversation about women wanting to date and marry a wealthy man or one who makes well above $250,000/year. This is plausible for sure, but as the wife to a man who makes a quarter of a million dollars annually, you have to ask yourself, what is my purpose? Like all good things shiny and expensive, the idea of obtaining it seems astounding, but once it's ours doesn’t it sort of lose its desirability?
It's like a man who pursues an attractive woman, sure, her beauty is captivating and catalyzes his pursuit. But, once she is his and has conformed to his standards and way of living the thrill seems almost missing. If you’re a kept woman and nothing else where is your sense of self-worth and fulfillment?
“A man’s money is for providing the home, luxury, and lifestyle. A woman’s money is for a rainy day, investments, house maintenance, and physical upkeep. You have to serve a function for both your household and your marriage when you’re a woman. If he pays all the bills then you must be the one to afford the help—nanny, maid. There is not a wealthy man on this planet who desires to return from work to an unkempt home, screaming children, chores, and a nagging wife,” Lisa says.
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It is for this reason that it is seldom that you will find a wealthy man married to a woman who does not come from a wealthy or middle-class background herself. Most men of value want women of value—quality women understand that in 2023 a modern kept woman is still a woman of means; her means are to provide a soft life for her husband in other ways.
“Men deserve a soft life, too. Women are not furniture. You cannot expect a man to come home to find you exactly how and where he left you. He will grow bored, your marriage or relationship will lose its spark and you will be out on your ass before you know it. As a woman, why wouldn’t you want to serve a paramount position in your home outside of the children? If you were to no longer be present your presence should be missed. A man cannot miss what he would solely deem as a liability. Your vagina cannot be your only asset…not long term at least.”
Yes, a SAHW or girlfriend is still to be desired, but in no time at all you will grow tired and stressed out. Cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the home and yourself on a daily has a dark side—even more so when there are children involved. It is not all roses and rainbows. Burnout can still happen and when it does, your husband will still have needs that you will have to fulfill.
So, while you may aspire to be this modern-day kept woman, ask yourself, can you afford it? If you are not paying with your money—hiring the housemaid and cook—then you are paying with your time, body, and mental health amongst other things. Which one would you rather sacrifice?
Image Credit: Adrian Dennis / Getty Images
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As a modern-day kept woman if you agree that your contribution to your marriage will far supersede the findings between your legs, then the next thing to do is never settle. Remember Eboni K. Williams? The American Lawyer and Author sparked a wide debate during an interview with Iyanla Vanzant where she stated she would never date someone who drives a bus, but rather, someone who owns it. She further went on to defend this statement during her interview on The Breakfast Club.
“I am showing up in masculine energy as she said. I am conceding your point (referring to Dr. Vanzant). But tell me how you would guide me to not do so when I don’t really feel like I can trust that if I don’t do it, that there is going to be adequate provision and protection if I don’t do it?”
In other words, a woman will show up in her masculine where there is inadequate male energy in her presence who cannot properly fill the role. So, to combat this, she prefers a man of means who can show up in his masculine, so she can rest in her feminine.
We can all agree that if a woman is resting in her feminine, she is allowed to take a step back from the responsibilities of masculinity and focus more on her role in the home (i.e. raising the kids, managing the household, and more). As a woman you need to decide whether or not you are comfortable in your masculine or feminine energy.
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We can also take a look at the recent interview with Gabrielle Union where she admits that she and husband Dwayne Wade go 50/50 in their marriage. Many criticized her, stating she was in fact in her masculine. Wade, unbeknownst to himself later on confirmed what we all already knew—his wife did not feel safe enough to step in and operate solely from her feminine.
He admits to telling her at one point that it was his house and he paid all the bills in it. Gabrielle Unions' actions are a trauma response, and similar to Eboni K. Williams, who states she is masculine because if she steps out of it things will not get done. They are both fearful of letting go of that control because they are not with or around adequate partners who make them feel safe enough to do so.
So while a modern-day kept woman can be on the vision board for 2023, you should ask yourself, “Is this a safe environment for me to thrive in my feminine?” and “What does thriving in my feminine energy look like for me?” Lastly, “How can I contribute to my marriage and my home from a place of femininity?”
Most women who are okay going 50/50 have unhealed trauma and are afraid to relinquish control. If they don’t have some control, as Eboni stated, things will not get done. On your quest to becoming a modern-day kept woman, you should only seek men who make you feel safe, own the bus (in other words have the discipline and ambition to grow and earn a lucrative income), and are looking for a wife.
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If more women raised their standards like this and began thinking, “Well, is this man worth me hiring a maid and nanny for? Emptying his balls every night? Is this a man who I would want to raise our son?” Once you begin to see yourself as the asset – not the prize in the relationship as I am not fond of that term—meaning you will be investing as well. Then you can ask yourself if he is worth it. More times than not, the answer is no. So, you keep searching until you find what you are looking for on your quest to becoming a modern-day kept woman.