by Danielle Wright
We all want to be desired by our partners in every sense of the word—especially when it comes to being sexually wanted by them. Interestingly enough, a Missie wrote in asking, "How do I get my boyfriend to want to have sex with me more? Since moving in together, we barely have sex, and he doesn’t seem as interested any longer."
There are no set bedroom rules for couples, but rather relationship communication tools that can aid in creating a better environment for your sexual needs to be met. Of course, there are a number of reasons why sex may have gone out of your relationship: infidelity, lack of trust, insecurities, erectile dysfunction, and other relationship issues that may be present.
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It’s hard for the average man to express himself emotionally, which can lead to resentment and no real solution. But because men are action-oriented, he may not speak with his words but through his actions, causing him to pull away sexually. As a huge fan of the show "90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?," I was shocked to learn that the majority of the couples are not having sex, whether it’s Gino and Jasmine, Michael and Angela, or Rob and Sophie.
But there is a common issue among all of them—lack of sexual desire from their partner. Gino is not sexually attracted to Jasmine because he says she is argumentative, and her constant bickering is a turn-off to him. Sophie is not sexually attracted to Rob because she does not trust him, and his cheating in the past has led to her feeling insecure in their relationship.
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Lastly, Angela and Michael seem to be in an abusive relationship, which makes his sexual attraction to her almost nonexistent. But each of the partners who are no longer desired by their significant other is confused as to why. Perhaps it’s a lack of self-awareness, lack of empathy/understanding, or maybe they just don’t care and believe that sex should happen one way or another despite their personal feelings.
Make no mistake, something terrible does not have to present itself in a relationship for sexual desire to dwindle. According to statistics, one in every seven married couples is not having sex, or they are in a sexless relationship/marriage. But how did we get here, and is there a solution?
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THE EVOLUTION OF SEXUAL DESIRE IN LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS –
The initial stage is the attraction and high desire for one another. At the beginning of any relationship, couples often experience intense sexual desire driven by novelty, curiosity, and the excitement of new love, aided by their biological desires, such as high levels of dopamine, serotonin, and other feel-good hormones being released, contributing to frequent and passionate sexual encounters.
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