Solo Date Ideas: What Self-Love Really Means

It recently dawned on me that maybe it isn’t love that I am afraid of, perhaps it’s just the vulnerability that comes with it. Then I started wondering, “…since when did vulnerability become a bad thing?” I think it was when I began experiencing relationships with people who were limited on how they love—replicating what they saw and how they were treated. They didn't know better.

I felt like I was being punished for liking someone too much. Once I began to show affection or charm it would somehow push a man away. Yet, the men who I ignored and was seemingly distant from were the ones who would often come running—chaser, runner dynamic activated.

I then took an even closer look and realized, I was running from myself, not from love. How could I expect anyone to want to be with me romantically when I don’t want to be with me romantically? I wanted so desperately to pour into someone else’s cup and in return, they would pour into mine, that’s what love looks like for me. I thought that if I loved someone correctly, they would love me back, and reciprocate the effort and the energy I was giving. But I was wrong, I’ve been experiencing love incorrectly for the past thirteen years.

“Over the years the term self-love has become dangerously synonymous with the over-consumption of material things and a hefty investment in our physical appearance. That is not self-love. Many women are confused as to why despite spending thousands on their appearance they are still unwed, used for sex and treated poorly.

The fact of the matter is, self-love is a vibration. You should be seeking your vibrational match and not just love, that requires inner work. The flesh is for the world and the inner self is spiritual. Is your inner child fed? Is she happy? Is she a good person? Is she marriage material? Your hair, nails and BBL does not make you a good wife. It makes you good to look at, but not good enough for anything more than that,” says Lisa.

“If you’re wondering why you keep attracting men who are club-goers, womanizers, “narcissists”—men who are not in touch with their higher selves—it is time to take a look in the mirror. If you’re feeling exhausted because you’re giving your love to the wrong person, then the issue is you.

You are attracting who you really are inside, because if you can get that person to love you or fix them, then essentially, you’ll be fixing yourself. That is what you are subconsciously feeling. If you don’t think you’re good enough to attract high value, then you simply will not get it. You will always attract a reflection of yourself.”

It was a hard pill to swallow because I was not spending time with myself, and I was not romantically involved with myself. When men came into my life there were no standards for them to follow because I myself didn’t have any.

Ask yourself:

• How do I show up for myself every day?
• How I am loving myself?
• If a man were to come into my life right now, what value will he add?
• The things I require a man to do for me, can I do that for myself?
• Am I a person who is reliable and can I show up for a significant other the way I would expect them to show up for me?
• Do I meet my own requirements when it comes to dating?
• What does love look like for me?

According to Lisa, “Think of it like this…if you’re materialistic and bad with money, you will attract someone of that nature. If you like to go to parties, you’ll attract someone from the club. If you’re promiscuous, you will attract a player. Your higher/spiritual self, your inner self that is loved and cherished by you will attract a mate who is strong where you are weak.

When you love yourself there are certain environments you will not frequent because the vibrations will be too low. Once you are ascended, your options will change. You’ll see that if you are impatient, you will attract a patient partner. If you are financially uneducated, you will attract a mate who is financially literate, and so on.”

So, where do we begin? After learning some of this I decided to embark on the journey of self-love. I did things I’ve always wanted to do but was too afraid to do because I did not have a partner to do them with. But once I decided it was time to show up for myself I downloaded these apps, Seek and Tickpick—both of which I found on TikTok. I then signed up for the gym and started sorting out all of the restaurants and activities I want to try—even if I have to do it alone.

It's been a few months and already I’ve started meeting new friends who love to venture out and are kind and stable. Now, I am patiently waiting for my Kingdom Spouse as I continue to do the inner work. I know now that the only way to attract a high-value man is to become a high-valued woman. I have to place myself in environments where there is tranquility, wealth, and educated person(s).

Once I learn to love myself I will navigate to different spaces where my vulnerability will not be seen as a weakness, but rather a strength. I will then be able to attract quality men who can love me properly because our morals and views will align. It all starts with us.

Here are some Solo Date Ideas I’ve tried that I think you’ll love!

NEW YORK RESTAURANTS –
Brooklyn Chop House: Times Square
Texas De Brazil
The UES
Friedman’s
Jackson’s Eatery Bar
Bottino Restaurant
Azalea Downtown
The Rail House 10803

ACTIVITIES –
Wicked, The Musical
Rock-climbing in Brooklyn

I will do my best to update this list weekly as I try new places. Be sure to subscribe, like, and share to stay in the loop. Join me on my self-love journey and tell me your stories below.

by Danielle Wright & Lisa K. Stephenson, Relationship Coach & Author