by Danielle Wright
Can the mother of your child truly move on? The answer is yes. By now, you know that men and women are wired differently, and this has an impact on the way we receive and give love.
As a man, you may love a woman because of how she loves you, versus loving her for who she is. Most men, upon first meeting a woman, do not prioritize her personality; it’s all about her physical appearance. After sex and childbirth, women are naturally more likely to become attached. That hormone is called oxytocin—it is responsible for a number of things: sexual arousal, recognition, trust, romantic attachment, and parent-infant bonding.
Women feel this strongly after mating, but like with any other chemical, it can wear off after some time. If the stimulus changes, then the reaction changes. In other words, if you’re no longer the reason her brain releases oxytocin or dopamine, then her feelings towards you will change. When you become associated with negative hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline for a woman, you’re inducing fear, which is likely to make her leave you.
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Our brains are wired for survival, and so, if you’re someone who has presented yourself as problematic, untrustworthy, frightening to be around, then your partner or anyone for that matter will want to stay away from you. Their brain will make them.
Being toxic is all fun and games until you realize the person you love or the mother of your children is in fight or flight mode—their brain no longer feels safe in your presence, making it easier for them to move on. Once a woman begins craving dopamine or she’s receiving it elsewhere, her brain will automatically associate that person as good and you as bad, leaving her no choice but to disconnect and disengage.
This is usually the stage where most men are confused and unable to cope with the fact that a woman who was once obsessed with them is now indifferent. It’s simple; her brain believes you to be a danger to her due to past receptors that fired in her brain when you two were either together or dating.
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If you want to salvage the relationship or stop the process of her brain completely distancing itself from you, then here are some signs to look out for:
SHE NO LONGER “ARGUES”
We have to know that women are not naturally argumentative. For the most part, depending on her environment, she can be defensive and in survival mode. Women who grew up in survival mode are usually quick to anger, loud, aggressive, and rude. On average, however, women are not living in survival mode; therefore, she’s usually tender, kind, affectionate, and charismatic until she meets someone who changes her for the worst.
A woman who argues when she’s in love and it’s accompanied by tears or unusual behavior is a woman who cares. She is not yet indifferent; she is wishing that her words will get through to you, and you will change for the betterment of the relationship. Most men do not do this, however.
They will use this as an excuse to cheat, further damaging the relationship. Remember what I said earlier about those negative emotions—when a man cheats and a woman grows suspicious, her adrenaline starts to pump. Adrenaline causes changes in your body that help you to act in a sudden stressful situation. So, there are two things to factor here: the stress you are causing and the negative hormone you are causing her to release in her body.
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SHE IS DISMISSIVE
When she starts to value her personal space, she is slowly slipping away. Women want to be in the company of the person they love. Emotional intimacy is something all women crave, and if she is no longer asking that of you, then it’s safe to say that she’s beginning to detach. Make no mistake, when there are children involved, women will smile, play a role, and show up for their child, but this does not mean that she is accepting you and your behaviors toward her if those behaviors are constantly causing her to live in a state of panic.
Negative hormones can lead to underlying diseases and cause women to get sick, die prematurely, and lastly, be incapable of raising the children you share. If not for yourself, if not for her, then at least for your children you should want the mother of your child to be calm and associating you with positive hormones.
This will also make co-parenting easier as well. Unfortunately, most men are not taught how to achieve these results, which only leads to the children suffering and repeating these behaviors in adulthood. As a man, it is your duty to take charge of your head and household. Get things in order and lead with confidence.
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SHE’S DATING
Typically, when a woman starts dating other men immediately after the relationship with the father of her children ends, these relationships are rebounds. Rebound relationships do not last long. But if her brain has endured a lot of trauma from you, then dating someone new and experiencing those positive hormones—dopamine and the release of oxytocin will feel good for her. She will now really begin to see the distinction between you and another person to which her brain will most definitely aid her in moving on.
Now her brain is telling her: the baby's father is associated with bad feelings, negative hormones, stay away. The new guy is happy feelings and positive hormones, get closer. Even if she does not fancy the new guy, the simple fact that her brain can relax and lean into those positive hormones is enough to help her dissociate from her past relationship.
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Science can help us better understand many of these things. All in all, if you want to get back together with the mother of your child, then your primary task should be to reactivate those positive hormones, unless it’s too late.