by J. Emily Somma
Photo by Gustavo Fring from Pexels
Emotional Immaturity Is the Enemy of Love: Happy Ever After Gone Awry
Imagine a woman with Amal Clooney’s hair, Scarlett Johansson’s curves, and Halle Berry’s fashion sense. More than just smokin’ hot, she is va-va-va-voom sexy raised to the power of ten. If, however, that same woman blows hot and cold, goes off at you when you can’t or won’t give her what she wants when she wants it, and is more about me than she is about we, you may be dealing with an emotionally immature woman. With all of this said, here’s the million-dollar question: What if that woman is you? Killer curves, to-die-for hair, and impeccable fashion sense, don’t really mean much if the woman you are on the inside struggles with finding a happy balance in love. If your love relationships are high drama, with more downs than ups, more me than we, and they end in disappointment, you have three options.
· you can say, “I'm done with love,” jump off the love train and throw away the ticket
· you can race full speed ahead into another relationship fated to have the same outcome as the last one
· you can decide that the first two options aren’t what you want
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If your choice was option three, congratulations! You just took the first step toward emotional maturity by deciding that, despite problems and disappointments in previous relationships, you're not ready to give up on love, nor do you want the stress and upset of another happy-ever-after gone awry.
Princess Syndrome According to Dr. Brit Brogaard, co-author of the Human Supermind, emotional immaturity is a common disorder. Originally called Peter Pan Syndrome—in reference to a fictitious little boy who stubbornly refuses to grow up, these days women who make behaving childishly into an unhappy-ever-after way of life, are said to be afflicted with Princess Syndrome. In fairy tales, the princess always gets what she wants. In real life, successful relationships grow from learning to balance the me with the we, learning the art of compromise, and being willing to ask and answer the hard questions that you wriggle and squirm to avoid. Speaking of avoidance, let’s get to the nitty-gritty not so fun part and take a peek at what emotional immaturity looks like.
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What does emotional immaturity look like?
Avoiding difficult conversations is a stand-out symptom of Princess Syndrome. It’s right up there near the top of the list, along with spending too much time either living in the past or fantasizing about a perfect future reality with you in the lead role as the woman who has it all. In the future reality, your perfect partner places the moon and the sun at your feet. You have the perfect job, and money to buy whatever you want. You travel wherever you want. You live in a perfect house, or maybe it’s a beach-front condo with its own elevator? In the world you like visiting, an alter reality, you’re the center of the universe, it’s all about you, and your life is perfect. Except, of course, for that one teensy-tiny, nanoscopic detail; that isn’t your life at all. When how you wish it was, collides with how it really is, there is an inevitable explosion, or implosion, maybe a little cursing and name calling, maybe days of stony cold silence. One thing you know for certain, and the people closest to you undoubtedly know too, is that you don’t respond well, or appropriately when the real-world crashes into your fantasy world, and that’s not your fault. Emotionally immature women are unable to manage their emotions. One final tell-tale sign of Princess Syndrome, is that nothing is ever your fault. Emotionally immature women cannot, and will not, take personal responsibility for their behavior and decisions. This takes its toll on your most important relationships, and is doubtlessly at the heart of what has so far been your life of discontent. The good news is that you really can stretch and grow your way out of the Princess Syndrome debacle, and here’s how.
The future is unwritten
Life advice coach, Kim Giles, explains there are ten ways to help break the cycle of emotional immaturity:
· let go of your first response. Learn to pause, and respond instead of react
· practice putting yourself in someone else’s shoes
· be less judgmental
· be flexible
· be quick to apologize for bad behavior
· let go of your need to be right
· choose to be grateful
· work on improving your self-esteem
· commit to personal growth
· learn to handle disappointments with grace
Remember: You deserve a supportive, caring relationship, with a partner who appreciates, loves, and respects you, and your partner deserves the same. Choosing to step out of the glass slippers and grow toward emotional maturity is where the real magic of life begins.
