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Jan 224 min read

Signs He Will Come Back After Pulling Away

by Danielle Wright

When women begin to ask questions like, “How to get a man back after a breakup” or “Signs he’s pretending to be over me,” I immediately begin to question the role she played in the relationship.

More times than not, she was not an ungettable girl to this man, but rather a placeholder, someone whom he probably took advantage of and grew tired of dealing with. You may not realize it, but asking questions like the aforementioned to anyone will immediately signal an attachment style that is unhealthy for both you and your partner/future partners. Whatever the case, if someone is pulling away, it’s usually for a good reason, and that could just be you.


FEMININE ENERGY

Men need space to thrive in their masculine energy. If you’re a woman who is alright with footing the bill, paying the majority of the bills, taking care of him and his children without anything in return, or if you’re simply just with a man who is not doing anything to elevate your life, then it’s safe to say that you’re operating in your masculine energy. Unless your partner is feminine—yes, some men can exude feminine energy, and that is perfectly fine—then it's perfectly fine for you to operate from your masculine—someone has to assume the leadership position in every romantic relationship.


WHEN MEN PULL AWAY IT’S USUALLY BECAUSE:

  • He’s no longer interested.

  • He’s moved on to someone who lets him comfortably operate in an energy he prefers.

  • You’re too codependent, and he does not want to be responsible for your happiness.

  • He does not like your personality.

  • He’s afraid of commitment...with you.

  • He’s anxious.


Whatever his reason, it’s clear that he’s no longer interested in you and the relationship you both share. I think it’s time that we stop making excuses and learn to identify our problems first so that when these issues arise, we can identify them and exit peacefully. When you hold onto something that is not meant for you, it’s just because you gave so much of yourself and received nothing back—we are all wired to want to experience gratification.


We go to work to earn a check, we enter relationships to have companionship, we cook meals for our men because we want them to be happy, we nurture our men because we want them to feel comfortable. We put in most of the work due to low self-esteem and abandonment wounds that have not yet been healed. Men have said time and time again that they are simple. Most masculine men just want to feel appreciated for their efforts and not obligated to anyone.


When he pulls away, you do nothing. When he comes back, you do not take him back the first time he tries. You have to give him the chance to see how mature, independent, and confident you’ve become; otherwise, the behavior will only repeat itself. Make note, however, men do not leave relationships, and they do not pull away only to return. That is not their goal. If their plan is to leave you, it’s to leave you for good. He is not thinking about how his absence is going to hurt your feelings; he’s thinking about himself—self-preservation.


LETTING GO

It’s hard to move on when you want to hold out hope that a man will return. I get it—the relationship gurus online, the articles that tell you ‘men always come back’. In fact, it should be a great ego boost when he comes back, but you should not be proud of this. Men only go back to women who they know love them more than they love themselves. Men are all about moving forward, never going backward for anything.


As women, this is something we adopt. Men value themselves more than women most of the time; at the slightest inconvenience, a man will leave his woman, yet women will stay through almost anything. Aside from that, they’ll pine for men who they know didn’t deserve them in the first place. This brings me back to learning your attachment style and dealing with abandonment issues head-on. It’s not him you miss; it’s not that you want him back; your ego does. Your ego is hurt, and you need to win.

Related articles: Good Qualities In A Man


BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHAT WINNING LOOKS LIKE:

  • Leveling up physically and mentally

  • Taking charge of your emotions

  • Forgiving yourself for the bad decisions you made in the past

  • Reminding yourself that he is only one person; there are billions of people in the world, and you will find happiness


DO MEN PULL AWAY WHEN THEY START TO FALL IN LOVE?

I want to debunk this now; the answer is no, never. Life is not a rom-com, men like relationships just as much as women do. Men do not have it easy when it comes to dating, courting, and trying to find the perfect person for them. So, of course, when they find someone who they mesh well with, it’s inevitable that he’ll fall in love and want to stay put. If you ever find yourself wondering if a man cares about you, loves you, or wants the best for you, it’s safe to say that the answer is no, and thus it should be easier for you to move on and let him go.


All in all, if a man pulls away for any reason, it means he’s over you, and it’s time for you to start putting the pieces of yourself back together and find new love. He is not leaving with the intention of coming back.

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