by Danielle Wright
In contemporary society, the connection between "cheating" and "celebrity news" has become undeniable.
Our fascination with the lavish and morally ambiguous lifestyles of the wealthy seems insatiable. Witnessing celebrities forsake loving partnerships for passionate affairs captivates us. While cheaters ultimately make their own choices, these decisions are influenced by various factors like chemical reactions, environment, personal desires, needs, self-esteem, and ego.
Thankfully, women have not become desensitized to this act, with more and more women choosing to walk away from their partners. However, the downside is many broken homes are created. Celebrities like Khloe Kardashian tops the list of women who endured being cheated on while pregnant, because, for the reality star and mom of two, this did not happen once…but twice.
Singer Ciara while pregnant with her son Future Jr. dealt with the news of her then fiancé, rapper Future, cheating while on tour. Ciara later called off the engagement three months after their son arrived. Unfortunately, the list continues to grow from Kendra Wilkinson, Shar Jackson, Mel B, Christina Milian, Selma Hayek, Wendy Williams, Kelis, and Lauryn Hill to name a few. But why does this happen and is there a way to avoid this dreadful outcome?
According to Chloe Ballatore, Founder of Chloe’s Consciousness Training, “Unfortunately, this is a pretty common time for men to cheat. The stress of the pregnancy and having to provide are both weighing on him, and he may also be freaked out about your changing body and the change in your appearance in general. He may think this is his last chance to act out before he has to assume the mantle of fatherhood.”
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CHEMICAL REACTIONS:
We can label dopamine as the villain that drives men to cheat. The chemical reaction of an affair is intense and fills the brain with dopamine. This is typically why when most men cheat it’s in a hotel, restaurant booth, her house, it does not matter as working overtime to avoid getting caught takes them out of a mundane routine and adds a bit of excitement to their lives. New relationships are exciting, passionate, hopeful, and mysterious. Once you become pregnant, men see the relationship as established and dare I say it, old.
Some signs you can look out for according to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Emily May, “If you notice your significant other exhibiting a sudden emotional disconnection, or find they’ve started to erect a protective shield around their personal life—from their phone to their laptop—it maybe an indication that something is amis,” she says.
“Frequent unexplained absences or consistent tardiness in returning home can add to the suspicion. If there’s a noticeable dip in intimacy levels, or if he suddenly becomes overly attentive to his appearance, buying new clothes, or spending extra hours at the gym, these signs could point towards potential infidelity. However, I must stress this important point: these signs are not just potential indicators. They are not inconvertible proof. Many factors such as work stress, personal issues, or mental health problems could bring about similar changes.”
SELF-ESTEEM AND EGO:
Ever wonder why one of the first signs of cheating is usually a man changing his eating habits or heading to the gym? Well, it’s a great way to gain external validation about their physical appearance. Perhaps their wife no longer compliments them on their looks—yes, men want compliments, too. On their quest for a new and exciting relationship, it feeds a man's ego when the hot coworker compliments him on his broadening biceps.
While there are several signs to look out for when a man is suspected of cheating, almost all of the time some of these signs were there before a woman’s pregnancy. Low self-esteem in a man does not simply go away. Have you ever questioned a man about his prior relationship? How long did it last? Why did it end?
Forming lasting relationships is difficult for men who suffer from low self-esteem, they do not make for good long-term partners—oftentimes making cynical jibes and always needing to be in control. You may notice while you’re pregnant, your man suggests that you work out or question you on why you’ve become less energetic or are no longer in the mood for sex. If you see these signs early on, do not ignore them because once you are pregnant, these behaviors will only continue to worsen.
As a mom-to-be, the health of you and your unborn child should be your top priority. “Stress during pregnancy has been associated with adverse pregnancy outcomes, such as preterm birth and low birth weight. Addressing concerns surrounding infidelity with empathy and support is crucial to safeguarding the emotional and physical health of the pregnant woman and her unborn child,” says Brandon Tan, owner of BarkLikeMeow.
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I wish more women would understand the seriousness of bearing a child and how this can significantly alter your life. It should not be taken lightly and any man you choose to bless with a child should also appreciate your sacrifice. The U.S. maternal deaths keep rising with Black women more at risk. So, with that in mind, do you think it’s worth it to carry and have a child with a man who you cannot trust and have to worry about whether or not he is faithful during your pregnancy? According to npr.org, “Death rates remain the highest among Black women, and have more than doubled over the last 20 years.” It is not worth it to conceive and birth a child with a man who is not trustworthy.
Yes, many celebrity relationships seem to bypass this stressful time in their lives, only sharing with the public the highs and joys of their pregnancies, versus the negative emotions. Most of the women named above received some form of compensation from their ex during their split, or like Ciara, who was lucky enough to find a wonderful man to marry and procreate with following her split with Future.
But this is not the outcome for most women. We have to be realistic and understand that not all men deserve to be fathers, not all men deserve that right. No matter how much a man says he wants to be a father, the real questions are, does he want to be a husband? Does he want to have a family? Does he want to be a dad?
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It is not your job to seek and find the answers to those questions once you are already pregnant and preparing for the birth of a child. Sameera Sullivan chimes in to add, “During pregnancy, a woman’s emotional well-being is vital for her and her baby’s health. As a relationship expert, my advice is to prioritize emotional support and open communication to create a safe and secure environment during this vulnerable time.”
Figure out what your standards and non-negotiables are and arm yourself with the knowledge and truth of child-bearing before deciding to have a child. You must be vigilant in this approach. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and leave relationships that are no longer serving you, before learning that you are pregnant. Prevention is always better than cure.