by Danielle Wright
When you question if you're being used or taken advantage of, remember you're not alone.
Sometimes we mourn the end of relationships, but I firmly believe that what's meant for us will never leave. There's an inner compass guiding us on our journey, leading us to places that serve our higher good.
Relationships, be it platonic or romantic, are challenging, and the dating scene in 2023 feels like an intensified version of The Hunger Games. We strive to avoid being manipulated, used, or deceived, but sadly, it's often inevitable. Men and women are caught in a perilous game, even if they choose not to participate. It's crucial to recognize the signs and steer clear of harmful individuals and situations at all costs.
"One of the ways I knew I was being taken advantage of was when he always asked to join my friends and me for dinner. I agreed, informing my friends about his presence, and they were fine with it. However, he would arrive, engage in conversation, order his food, and then calculate the bill to pay only his portion.
I never expected him to pay for me or my friends, but it would have been considerate if he had covered his and my expenses since we were dating and intimate. This embarrassing scenario repeated a few times, and it contributed to the deterioration of our relationship." - Lisa K. Stephenson shares.
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In this situation, she was being taken advantage of as her date attempted to fulfill multiple purposes. He could argue that they were spending time together by joining her and her friends. He could also argue that they were going on dates at restaurants where he was present.
Regardless of his intentions, he can always claim that he made the effort to be physically present. Be cautious of such men. Lisa further shared that he eventually started asking her for money, whether it was for gas or drinks while partying with his friends, even contacting her in the middle of the night. The story took an interesting turn.
As we age, our thinking needs to mature. We must stop exerting more effort for love and focus on building our confidence. This way, when emotional manipulators appear, we can recognize the signs early and move on. Some women admit that during times of being used or taken advantage of, they were in a low point in their lives. Their self-esteem and confidence were low, and they welcomed any attention from a man, considering it good.
PLANNING DATES:
If you find yourself in this position, you need to do some inner work and assess why you're allowing these situations. One sign of being taken advantage of is when you're the one planning dates, operating in your masculine energy.
Your partner should take the lead in planning, as it sets the dynamic for future expectations. Reciprocation can come later, but not in the early stages. “A guy saw that I was making money as a foot model with FeetFinder and called me, ‘big money’. From that moment on, he would subtly ask me for things—to pay for his lunch at work or to pay for the movie tickets and he would pay me back…little things turned into big things and I was over it.” Subscriber Brittany Shane shares.
MAKING EXCUSES:
You know you're being treated poorly, and others see it too, yet you convince yourself that things will improve. Men tend to leave when unhappy, while women often fight until the bitter end. Learn to recognize when it's time to walk away.
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NO COMPROMISE:
If his needs come first, and he only makes time for you on his terms, it's a red flag. In Lisa's story, the man attached himself to existing plans to make it seem like he was making an effort, but he was avoiding the financial burden of paying for her. He disguised his self-interest as compromise. Waiting around for this guy leaves you in a powerless position. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of.
FEAR OF CONFRONTATION:
This is a major sign. If your partner makes you feel guilty for expressing concerns, it's a significant red flag. "I remember a guy I dated who repeatedly crossed my boundaries. Despite my requests, he would show up late at 11 pm. On his free days, he would choose to spend time with friends instead of respecting my boundaries. When I brought it up, he responded with eye-rolling and annoyance. I felt silenced and chose not to speak up." Subscriber Amanda Rose shares.
Change your mindset to attract the right person. Ask him, "How far will you go to earn a chance with me?" Make them work hard and don't compromise your standards. Remember, what's meant for us will come, and every experience teaches us something valuable, even if it involves emotionally unavailable individuals who teach us to set stronger boundaries.