Signs a Guy Is Pretending to Be Straight

It’s a regular Monday evening, and I’m scrolling through Netflix for something new and fun to watch.

Then pops up ‘Grace and Frankie.’ I love Jane Fonda, so I immediately clicked on the thumbnail to check out the synopsis. According to IMDB and Netflix, "For as long as they can recall, Grace and Frankie have been rivals. Their one-upmanship comes crashing to a halt, however, when they learn that their husbands have fallen in love with each other and want to get married." Yes, you read that correctly.

This got me thinking, so I did some research. As per Gallup, “The percentage of U.S. adults who self-identify as something other than heterosexual has increased to a new high of 7.1%, which is double the percentage from 2012. Gen Z adults made up 7% of Gallup’s 2017 national sample, but in 2021 accounted for 12% as more of that generation reached age 18 over the past four years.”

We’ve heard the stories and watched the videos of women who lose their lives once they confront their male partners about suspicious homosexual activities. I just saw a video on TikTok yesterday of a P.I. (Your Fav Investigator) who was hired to follow a boyfriend by a female client. It turns out he was meeting up with a man. They were spotted holding hands and kissing, which the P.I. reported back to her client. I’ll add the video below.

In American slang, the term “beard” describes a person who is used, knowingly or unknowingly, as a date, romantic partner, or spouse either to conceal infidelity or to conceal one’s sexual orientation. This term is more commonly used towards women who are dating a man who is obviously homosexual. But why do most men simply not live in their truth? After watching ‘Grace and Frankie,’ it became apparent to me that most men do want legacies and are smart enough to know that they need a woman to conceive one.

On the other hand, according to Forbes, 94% of trans women reportedly killed in 2023 were Black. It’s clear that while many Black men are gay, they are not openly gay because they fear for their lives and wish to have a legacy. So, you’ll find that many times a man will enter into a heterosexual relationship in hopes of procreating, and then as they age and feel safer, they’ll come out and live in their truth. We can also take Caitlyn Jenner as an example. So, this begs the question: are there signs that a guy is pretending to be straight? Most definitely.

OVERCOMPENSATING MASCULINITY –
Most undercover men will go out of their way to emphasize traditionally masculine traits or behaviors excessively, often more than other men. This could be as simple as speaking over men in a heated conversation, being the loudest in the room, or showing his friends that he does not tolerate disrespect from his lady. He can even come off as controlling. A man who believes he should be doing or saying certain things so that other men do not question his sexuality sometimes includes physically abusing their wife or girlfriend.

AVOIDANCE OF ROMANTIC CONVERSATIONS –
The average man is a hopeless romantic because, let’s be honest here, men invented romance. They want to be kind, gentle, and make the woman in their life happy. But too often, men are not comfortable displaying these signs of affection due to a fear of being embarrassed and called feminine. When men are too open about their emotions, they are considered weak, which makes them vulnerable and more susceptible to violence from their peers. But if you and your man are behind closed doors and he’s not being kind to you or constantly avoids and changes the subject when romantic or intimate topics are discussed, he could have "sugar in his tank."

This is one of the most important indicators because homosexual relationships between two men are usually devoid of emotions and conversations about topics that surround feelings and “what are we.” So, if a man is alright with never diving deep emotionally with you, then it’s safe to say he enjoys the company and romantic interactions with a man.

FREQUENT SLIP-UPS –
“Ayo, pause!” When he makes frequent slip-ups or jokes about his attraction to men, then quickly brushes it off as just jokes or misunderstandings, there could be some hidden feelings. You know the saying, men only pick on girls they like; well, when a man goes out of his way to be rude or degrading towards another homosexual man or makes sexual innuendos regarding a man, it’s about time you raise an eyebrow. It’s no different than a man who tells you all the things he hates about certain women—“she’s too skinny for me,” or “unlike you, she doesn’t wear her natural hair. I love me a natural queen.” “She’s too fat for me”—and these comments are unprovoked, then it’s time to start packing.

LACK OF GENUINE INTEREST IN WOMEN –
Despite claiming to be interested in women, he shows little genuine interest or avoids dating, and his interactions with women feel forced or insincere. This usually happens early in their development, just like the opposite can be true, with too much interaction with women. But that goes back to the first point of trying to be overly masculine. Most men grow up believing that they need to bed plenty of women and have multiple partners, sometimes at the same time, or else they are not considered a man. Well, if he’s too flirty or not flirty at all, then you have a problem.

STRONG EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS WITH MEN –
He has very intense and close relationships with male friends that seem to go beyond typical friendships, often showing more emotional investment in these relationships than with any women. This behavior is common and leads many women to believe their partner is gay.

The truth is, a lot of men do not enjoy the company of women outside of sex, and as a woman myself, I can kind of understand why. A lot of women are annoying, needy, mean, and just downright takers. I am not saying to be a doormat and let someone steamroll over you, but having standards and boundaries doesn’t mean you have to be unpleasant.

You can be assertive with a man while still being feminine and ladylike. Men respect standards but avoid women who act like spoiled brats and are too controlling or commanding. Women don’t like it, and neither do men, so let’s all shape up. On the other hand, if you’re a woman with motion, attractive, have a peaceful life, and you and your man are cool—he could be your best friend. But if at some point, he starts to pull away and leans more on his friendships with guys or other men in general, then it’s time to question his sexuality.

One sign or perhaps a few on this list do not mean you’re dating a homosexual man, but they are typically good indicators. Not to mention, it’s important to understand that it’s not safe to confront a man about his sexuality. It’s best to simply leave him if you’re able to. Men are selfish, and this means the preservation of self—if a man believes that if the true identity of his sexuality is outed and his life could be placed in jeopardy, he will do all that he can to keep the people around him from disclosing that information.

We can also take, for example, Diddy. Diddy is obviously a bisexual Black man (allegedly), but will he ever expose the true nature of himself? Probably not. The clues are there, however. But he fears for his safety among the men he associates with on a personal level, we can assume. If you believe your partner is gay, get tested and move on without them.

by Danielle Wright