Between the man, Between the woman by Lisa K. Stephenson
Photo by Iamngakan eka from Pexels
Is it an illness? The frequent thought of, “Should I check up on my ex?” But what happens when curiosity takes hold of us, and we do the unthinkable? We stalk the ex. Does this mean we haven’t truly reached a level of indifference? And if not, could that mean we are still emotionally attached?
When two lovers call it quits, whether amicably or distastefully, do we all still ponder the inevitable? And if so, why? When one door closes, another door opens, and when one man leaves, another will present himself, right? Right. But why do we always look back on the one that got away, then question ourselves on how things ended, only to find ourselves drowning in regret and then longing for closure?
Between the Man: There is no need for closure; that door is shut, and the opportunity for a new relationship is underway. Very seldom do men find themselves reaching out to an ex for “closure” or the “why didn’t things work out between us” talk. They will, however, reach out to an ex for sex. As a friend of mine once stated (and it is no secret), men are genetically programmed differently than that of a woman.
Men think logically, and despite their longing sensation for a woman, any woman for that matter, they find themselves less inclined to be perceived as vulnerable in initiating contact. In most cases, a man will hear that little voice in their head, “I wonder what she LOOKS like now.” Post-breakup, many women go through the “revenge body” phase. This is far from phase one of the post-breakup guide, but still a very important step to reach. Men are knowledgeable of this as they proceed to take more pride in their appearance.
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Curiosity may not have killed the cat, but that new revenge body, boy oh boy, it sure put a thought in his mind. “I wonder who she is dating now.” No matter who was at fault for the breakup, a man simply will not allow himself to publicly pine over the ex. Why? Well, what woman wants a weak man? Let me elaborate.
Men are taught one thing when it comes to emotions: don’t show them. As women, we argue constantly that men are not emotional, they do not disclose their feelings, and constantly we fight, we argue, and we beg for someone different. But if this is a common behavior, have we ever stopped to ask ourselves, what can I do to make him trust me with his emotions? It may not be that the ex is simply basking over your newfound beauty and has reached a level of indifference, and will not approach you to initiate a conversation.
The real conflict is losing their self-respect to do so, and once that send button is pushed, he is no longer the macho man who stood behind his pride; he is now the diminutive weakling who she will question even the slightest thought of a reunion with. The mind of a man, so to speak.
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Between the Woman: Happily married and in love, still, yet the past haunts her. It is no doubt that women experience love in the past, while men experience love in the present. As women, we tend to love and hold onto love based on how we felt during that first moment of interaction or the first time he held our hand; the first walk in the park and the first time we made love. Love lives behind us, and it is because of this we do not withhold pain, no matter how devastating.
A distasteful heartbreak will leave us broken for a moment, broken in our present, yet our past is still shooting stars and blossoming lilies. The pain subsides, and the man we have come to know in our present, the heartbreaker, suddenly becomes the ex we begin to ponder and crave. An insatiable appetite we long to gratify, finding ourselves at the worst possible place: I need closure. Why did he set my field of lilies on fire when all day we would run through them, holding hands and watching the sunset?
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"I prefer to throw stones and hide my hands," says the man. No time for accountability; there are far too many women, too many experiences, and too little time for it to be wasted on pointing fingers and playing the blame game.
I implore people that because closure is perceived completely differently by the opposite sex, it is best to stop seeking it. Between the man and between the woman, we are from two different ends of the spectrum, and bringing us together when we have both made a conscious decision to part ways should simply be nature’s way of taking its course.