My Boyfriend and His Baby Mama Are Friends

We get it, you simply couldn't resist his charm and decided, "Well, I want to give him a chance."

Now you're paranoid, wondering if he still has feelings for his baby mama. The decision to date a man with children or even just one child will forever baffle me because it's widely known that men and women simply cannot be friends, and if they are, then it's a good thing... right?

I mean, if you're a fan of the VH1 drama Love and Hip Hop, then you've followed the story of Erica Dixon, Scrappy, and his now ex-wife, Bambi. The trio is known for their tumultuous relationship, along with their friends and add-ons, whom I will not name because these individuals are not celebrities but rather ratchet TV stars.

However, all in all, we now see that since the separation between Bambi and Scrappy, he and his ex-fiancée, Erica Dixon, have grown very close. They are now vacationing together, spending quality time together, and even doing interviews with executive producer Carlos King. So, are they just friends? Many fans have speculated that the pair could be carrying on a casual relationship, considering the child they share is an adult, and therefore they have no real reason to be spending alone time together. It's safe to say that one of the two of them has feelings for the other. Let me explain...

It's the age-old question: Can men and women just be friends? Well, the answer is yes. While untested, it is believed that men who grew up with sisters close in age to themselves will generally have an easier time making friends with women without romantic overtones. Now, can men be friends with a woman they were once intimate with? The answer is yes. The mystery is gone, and that person is no longer seen as a challenge. Men are notorious for seeking out challenges and wanting to conquer someone or something.

If a man returns to a person he's already conquered and left, it's typically not for a good reason. It's either that he's exhausted his other options, sees that woman as old reliable, or he needs her for something: to feed an addiction, shelter, money, clothing, etc. It is seldom that men return to situations they've already left. Yes, one may argue about Ashanti and Nelly getting back together after a 10-year hiatus. But I've said it before, and I'll say it again, there is something deeper going on there; she loves him more, so his access back into her life was without conquest, which we can deduce could mean a lack of sincerity on his end.

But given his track record, Nelly romanticizes relationships; he likes being in them. So, the less challenge he faces in his pursuit to enter something he likes (relationships), of course, he will take it. There is no definitive answer on why he likes relationships; obviously, we don't know him personally, but some thoughts could be: neediness, false belief about relationships and love/lust addiction – people who use love to escape their personal problems and reduce the emotional pain they are experiencing. People like this live in the honeymoon stage, and once it's over, so is the relationship. This places a lot of pressure on their partner because they begin to feel burdened to always keep their partner happy or risk losing them.

A man is only as faithful as his options, so if your boyfriend is a person who romanticizes relationships like Nelly, then it’s safe to say that staying in his baby mother’s good graces could be a tactic to ensure that if one thing doesn’t work out, he can always return to her.

It’s like playing ping pong between women. Before you decide to date a man with children, you should do some digging to learn how long he’s been single, where does he live? How often does he see his children, and does he see his children when their mother is around? A friendship can take on many forms, but it should never interfere with your relationship.

If their relationship inconveniences you and your partner, then it's safe to say that there is something deeper lingering there on his end. It’s always one or both parties who still have feelings for one another when the relationship has ended. If you’re going to date a man with kids, you have to be sure that his baby mother is either in another relationship, married, or has given birth to another man's child. That is the only way to ensure that your partner will no longer find her desirable. Until then, it’s up in the air, and you’ll always be looking over your shoulder to determine whether or not they’re hooking up.

If he considers her a backup, then you’re merely a placeholder until she decides that she wants to try again. Men who have a hard time being single are never going to be the person you want them to be; they’re always going to be looking for someone, somewhere to give them access.

This places the burden on you to keep them happy or risk losing him. Why do you want that kind of pressure? Do you not believe that you deserve to be happy? Any which way you slice it, the point is not to be in a relationship with a man who dislikes or quarrels with the mother of his children, but rather to be with one who is indifferent towards her and she has moved on. It’s safer that way.

by Danielle Wright