Men's Relationship Coaching vs. Traditional Therapy: Which Is Right for You?

When it comes to mental health, men are much less likely to seek help as it is often seen as a trivial matter. In the United States alone, the suicide rate among men is 3.5 times higher than that of women. In 2021, the rate of suicide among men was 22.8 per 100,000 population, the highest recorded over the past almost 70 years, according to Statista. There are at least six reasons why men opt to take their own lives, and we’re going to break down each one and which treatment is best: a men’s relationship coach or traditional therapy.

MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS – Mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, to name a few, are some of the most common reasons for men to contemplate suicide. Depression could be linked to a number of things such as home life, financial stress, or isolation. According to asfg.org, American Indian males have the highest suicide rates due to excessive individualism.

Simply put, this is one’s dependence on and commitment to the tribal community giving way to increasing dependence on a single romantic partner. For Native American men, they are more likely to attempt suicide if they cannot find a partner to be linked to romantically within their tribe or community. But this is not the easiest thing to achieve, considering the suicide rate among women has increased by 139% since 1999.

Native American women are more prone to committing or attempting suicide than men, and in this case, it’s best to seek traditional therapy. Traditional therapy can help uncover those underlying issues you may be facing and resolve them by providing alternate solutions. If marrying a woman in your community is not feasible, then it could be a good idea to consider outside options, even if this means going against the grain.

SUBSTANCE ABUSE – Substance abuse is prevalent among men who die by suicide, as it can exacerbate mental health issues, impair judgment, and lead to impulsive behavior. We see this often in African American communities, where children as young as twelve may begin to indulge in substance abuse due to distributing it for profit in an attempt to take care of their families.

Harvard Medical School reports that men of all ages are three times more likely than women to use marijuana every day. Poverty-stricken neighborhoods are notorious for having a multitude of liquor stores all within one mile of each other. This increases the likelihood that men will indulge, which can lead to physical abuse, depression, and suicide attempts.

Not only that, but alongside these liquor stores are fast-food shops where the food is not healthy and is prepared quickly without proper ingredients. With these factors in mind, traditional therapy is always going to be a good idea, but for men who are destitute, they may see this as an unnecessary added expense. However, it’s quite the contrary, as therapy can help to educate these men on the importance of changing their environment so as to change their eating habits and substance addiction.

SOCIAL ISOLATION – Men who lack strong social connections or feel isolated are at a higher risk for suicide, similar to those who undergo a divorce and struggle with the emotional fallout from the end of the relationship. It may seem like men don’t stress over relationships once they have ended, but they do, just like women. However, the difference is that most men are not given the emotional outlets that women have access to. Friendships between men differ greatly from those of women because they often have surface-level relationships—they do not delve deep into emotional conversations or allow themselves to be vulnerable around one another for fear of being seen as weak.

“As a Black man, I cannot take a chance on not having friends,” one man said. It is believed that friendships help men better navigate adolescence and adulthood, which often leads them to have discussions with their friends regarding the women in their lives. For many immature men, they will lean heavily on the approval of their friends for validation. If the validation is not there, it’s not unlikely that a man will begin to mistreat the women in his life.

In such cases, a men’s relationship coach is needed. “I’ve coached men for over thirteen years, and one thing I can confidently say is that until a man is ready to remove himself from his friends and cling to his wife and/or partner, he will never allow himself to access the tools necessary to be a protector and provider within his own home,” Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Stetson Dean shares.

“A man who still requires protection and validation from his friends cannot possibly protect and validate the woman in his life. If you notice that the man you’re dating has an obsession with being around his friends and not you, it’s likely because he’s immature and still leans on them for external support and safety.”

ECONOMIC STRESS – The economy is affecting us all as of 2024, but when it comes to financial difficulties—unemployment, debt, financial instability, and the pressure to provide—it’s not uncommon for a man to contemplate taking his life. Additionally, heterosexual men, even if they prioritize their friends, are aware that they need a woman in their life to fulfill their sexual desires. However, to gain access to a particular kind of woman, resources are needed.

This kind of pressure often leads men down a path of violence and crime, which ultimately results in imprisonment or suicide. Traditional therapy is the best solution but may seem counterproductive considering it is costly and not viewed as a necessity. Therefore, it might seem almost pointless to invest in when money is already a factor. Hopeless and helpless attitudes can have devastating effects on one’s well-being.

CHRONIC PAIN OR PHYSICAL ILLNESS – Often when men fall ill prematurely, it is due to unhealthy eating habits and neglect of their physical health. For the average male between the ages of 17–45, indulging in fast food and lacking exercise due to a busy work schedule is common. This is another reason why marriage at an early age is paramount. A good wife, when married young, can monitor your diet and physical habits to ensure you lead a longer life.

According to Fortune.com, “A study found that married men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s have lower mortality rates than unmarried men. They also found that divorced men have higher mortality rates due to poorer health.” A men’s relationship coach is vital at this stage in your life as you step into adulthood and need to find a good woman to settle down with and marry.

You need to learn emotional intelligence and aim to build a household where your wife can be its epicenter. Dating in 2024 seems almost pointless because more and more men are missing the general idea that they need to settle down for a multitude of reasons:

• Better financial support
• A healthier lifestyle
• Overall happiness
• A sense of belonging and community

TRAUMA AND ABUSE – Whether it’s childhood abuse or military service abuse, men who hold on to their trauma are at a greater risk for suicide and imprisonment. It’s important to pinpoint these dangers and seek traditional therapy to aid in your recovery. Men have a hard time speaking out loud about the trauma they’ve endured for fear that they will be made fun of or devalued.

We can take Terry Crews as an example, but don’t let that deter you because, in order to have a healthy lifestyle and make better life decisions, you have to go through your trauma, not avoid it. Once you get to a place where you are actively eluding the problems that plague you internally, you are opening the door for unwanted negative emotions and thoughts that may cause you to act on impulse.

This could involve physically harming someone or unknowingly taking one’s life. Post-traumatic stress disorder has resulted in a number of men strangling their wives in their sleep and then having to spend the remainder of their lives behind bars. This can be avoided if and when you decide to seek help immediately and acknowledge that something is wrong.

LACK OF SUPPORT – Outside of clinging to their friends, most men do not have the support needed to function and climb the corporate or blue-collar working ladder. But this is not the end of the road and should never be the reason you stop trying altogether. Whether it’s limited access to healthcare or proper food, there is always an alternative, and all you need is time and patience to complete the necessary paperwork or make the proper phone calls to ensure that your needs are being met.

Men are natural problem solvers, so if you ever find that you are no longer motivated to complete a task that is in your best interest, it could be a sign of depression, and you should consider seeking help and speaking with a professional, in this case, traditional therapy. Online resources such as Better Help do exist, but there are no doubt hidden fees. If you need to save money, feel free to enroll in one of our wellness retreats where you can enjoy a week of fun in the sun, quality food, and a chance to speak with our qualified therapists and coaches as needed. The wellness fee covers the cost of all sessions, plus the aforementioned.

by Danielle Wright & Stetson Dean, LMFT