by Megan Sheckells
I have been in this situation more than once; waiting semi-patiently for a response from a guy I was crushing on, wondering if he’s just busy or if his lack of response was about something else, lack of interest.
It is not a fun question to sit and ask yourself, but it seems to be a necessary evil, and most of us face it at some point or another, especially on the road between crush and partner. Somewhere in that middle ground where we’re just “talking to” or beginning to date a guy, it’s common to ask yourself, is he losing interest or is he just busy? The reason seems to be that we might be especially focused on that person in the beginning days and we’re hyperaware of any change in attention and time spent with that person.
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We want to make a good impression, but maybe the responses seem excessively delayed, or they seem to keep putting us off on doing things together. So we ask ourselves these questions in fear of the worst, am I being dramatic?
According to April Maccario, relationship expert and founder of askapril.com, you should be sure to evaluate the situation before you decide which of the two you believe. Maccario states, “You may not be meeting as often, nor on the phone or messaging sweet nothings, but before you jump to any conclusions, your partner may just be busy instead of losing interest in the relationship.”
Maccario goes on to argue, “it’s important to identify the root cause before taking any action, you may be prematurely terminating a good relationship from unjustified insecurities.” While it’s easy to feel certain immediately that they must just be losing interest, make sure you look at all sides of it before making any decisions about how they feel.
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That doesn’t mean, however, that it’s not a good idea to be aware of some of those tell-tale signs of someone losing interest as opposed to just being busy. Some of those seem to be having less interest in hanging out with you without a significant reason. In my personal experience, it can be when they don’t offer suggestions for alternative times, or even give you more of a response than ‘no’, or ‘maybe next time.’ When someone has a lot going on in their personal life that is preventing them from hanging out, they usually give some sort of reason why or are willing to make plans for a different date that does work.
Maccario states that one of the big signs is when “Future plans are reduced or stopped entirely. If your partner is just busy versus losing interest, they will still include you in future plans. Whereas if they have completely lost interest but don’t want to be the one to initiate the break-up, there will be a decrease in future commitments because they're trying to communicate that they don’t want to commit to the relationship.”
So, what are the best ways to handle these types of situations when you’re not quite sure which one is out of the two? Samantha Moss is an editor and content ambassador at romantific.com – a site dealing in relationship advice and content – offered advice. Moss states, “Communication is essential. Deeply communicate with your lover and express all of your emotions. Be frank with one another. Be true to your feelings.” This is a big deal. It’s not uncommon for us to let our feelings of uncertainty sit unspoken to fester and swell into a bigger problem than they started as.
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If you’re in this situation don’t forget to trust yourself. If you feel like you’re being dodged and your partner appears to be is losing interest, communicate that. We’re all human, and sometimes we go through emotional turmoil, or life stresses us out and makes us more distant even if we aren’t busy. It’s going to be a lot easier to decide what the root cause is if you go to the person and ask them.
It seems to be that a lot of the symptoms of being busy, and losing interest appear the same. However, there is nuance. If you notice a lot of excuse-making, but see they’re never too busy for last-minute plans with their friends.
Or perhaps they take forever to text back, but they’re constantly on their phone when you’re with them; then you may want to have a discussion and look further into the matter. But sometimes we do get busy, and/or distant from the people in our lives and just need a little space. Be flexible and understanding, but be sure to bring it up with them if you’re feeling unsure about the direction of their interest.
Sources:
Maccario, April. Personal Interview, 21 Aug. 2021.
Moss, Samantha. Personal Interview, 21 Aug. 2021.