by Abigail Hope
Photo by Trung Nguyen from Pexels
Welcome! Before we dive into our article today I would first like to commend you for taking the time to inquire about the above. It is the first step to recovery and perhaps it is safe to assume that you have had some time to think about your actions. Whatever it may be, if you are looking for ways to get your ex to forgive you and take you back, you must acknowledge the reason for the breakup and the role you played. Here are ten causes for a breakup and how to solve them:
BAD BEHAVIORS:
If you were dabbling in some unfavorable activities during your relationship (i.e. gambling, drinking, smoking), etc. it is time to stop now. Seek help from an outside source and show your partner that you are working on changing because you value him/her.
A partner does not want to be unsupportive, but if the activities are wearing on them emotionally and tearing your relationship apart be prepared for some tough love. Sometimes that can be ending things. The best thing you can do for yourself and your partner is acknowledge that you have a problem and begin the healing process right away.
CHEATING:
Whether it was a one-night stand or a full-on affair, the damage is already done. You’ve broken the trust in your relationship and now you have to put the pieces back together. I can promise you this won’t be easy, but if you’re determined enough it will be possible to earn your partner's forgiveness. First things first, you want to be completely open and honest about cheating. Do not skimp out on the details.
This is vital for recovery because as your partner begins to process your betrayal you do not want for new evidence to later present itself – this will leave him/her to feel that you were again untrustworthy, devaluing them and overall compounding the hurt. Nothing is more devastating than trying to forgive someone only to learn new details down the line. Be transparent, speak first, and offer a sincere apology followed by changed behavior.
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ANGER:
Your bad mood can translate into taking things out on your partner, this can and should be avoided at all costs. People are not mind readers. If you’re having a bad day, talk about it. If you wish to not have a conversation then spend some time alone but be sure to not neglect your partner. Let him/her know that you are taking some time and will be available for them in a moment. Gather yourself.
SUPPORTIVE:
If you cannot support the person you love then you are probably not ready for a serious relationship or have fallen out of love with that person. If you’re guilty of lacking support when you and your ex were together, ask yourself why. The next step is to find out what is important to him/her and engage in the activity alone, once you have the opportunity to speak with them, you can let them in on your newfound interest – something they needed your support with.
The first step is to take accountability and then follow it up with actions. If your partner is a writer but you’ve never read any of their work, take this time to purchase something of theirs, read it cover to cover. Once the lines of communication reopen, bring it to their attention in a loving way. “Hey, I checked out your article last month and enjoyed it. You’re super talented.”
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TOXICITY:
Move on from toxic friends and family, doesn’t matter who it is. Nothing is more detrimental to a relationship than people who are influencing you to do the wrong things. Sometimes our relationships fail due to outside influences – friends encouraging you to cheat or talking down about your partner. If you’re serious about getting your ex back, you have to show him/her that they matter to you and you will do one of two things: end toxic relationships or defend and protect your partner against those who oppose them.
WITHHOLDING AFFECTION AND ATTENTION:
This should be a no-brainer but unfortunately many relationships succumb to this. We all seek affection in some form or another. Withholding attention and affection from your partner can lead to them seeking it elsewhere or ending the union altogether. When someone loves you, you must recognize this and reciprocate the effort. Learning your partner's love language is ideal in this case. Neglecting him/her means that you are either not ready for a serious relationship or should look about finding love elsewhere. No need to force affection, it should come naturally.
If your ex's love language is Receiving Gifts take a moment to explore the below options we know they’ll love.
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LYING:
There is no such thing as a “little white lie” or a “small lie”. Lying is lying and should not be tolerated. Lies can lead to hurting someone indefinitely. It is better to be upfront and honest. If you have to lie about your activities or anything at all, chances are you shouldn’t have been doing it. The best way to get an ex to forgive you for lying is by coming clean and promising it will never happen again.
STEALING:
Financial infidelity is hard to recover from. If you have an issue with your finances then you should spend your time focusing on repairing it before entering into a relationship or in this case, reentering the relationship. As you can see people break up for several reasons but stealing from a partner is despicable and can seem almost impossible to reconcile. Admit that you have a problem and then take the steps necessary to get the proper help you need.
GIVING UP:
This one is popular. When you find yourself settling in a relationship or using someone as a pastime until “better comes along” you can begin to give up. When this happens the other person becomes aware of the distance growing between you. If you were the partner who instead of working on your relationship daily and making the conscious effort to love your partner, decided the best solution was to give up on them it is probably best that you do not look to reconcile.
This happened for a reason and although you’re no longer with this person, the reasons behind your throwing in the towel may not have changed on their end. It is important that not only are you honest with the other person but that you’re honest with yourself as well.
In this book 'Even My Hair is Mad' Nova Signature deals with this heartbreaking revelation that her college sweetheart has simply given up on the relationship, leaving her and their young son to fend for themselves. This happens to women every day and while the story is fictional, it does contain some empowering quotes and reading through Nova's journey of finding herself is inspiring.
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NOT COMMUNICATING:
Silence is NEVER the answer. It can come off abusive and narcissistic, as though you are punishing him or her for not behaving in a way that is acceptable to you. When you stop communicating your wants and needs to a partner you are essentially giving up on them and the relationship and as previously mentioned, this is another reason to just not go back.
We hope this article helped and be sure to check out some other articles on similar topics.