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As much as we all wish it didn’t, cheating happens; and sometimes we find ourselves in the wrong. If you have cheated on your boyfriend, you’re not a monster, but you have done a bad thing. Therefore, you have to accept that and the consequences of your actions. No one deserves to be cheated on. If you want to make things better then you need to fight for it, but you also need to figure out how to know when things are beyond repair.
Cheating is a hard subject to discuss. No one wants to experience it on any side of the spectrum. The only thing you can do when you are the one in the wrong is try to be understanding and sympathetic. No matter what your reasons are, you did a terrible thing to someone who trusted you. Think about what you have done and be genuinely sorry. Contemplate whether or not you think you should be forgiven. If the roles were reversed, would you forgive him?
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If for whatever reason, you cannot make yourself feel genuinely sorry, or if you can’t promise to never do it again then do not seek forgiveness. It isn’t fair to him or yourself. Don’t waste anyone’s time. If you can’t feel genuinely sorry, then you need to take some time yourself to figure out why that is. If you cannot guarantee that you’ll never do it again, then you need to be single and get that out of your system in an acceptable circumstance.
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Make sure you look at why you did it, are you sure you want him back? If he was the one, why would you have cheated in the first place? Think about all of the reasons or excuses you have thought of to excuse your behavior—they do not justify your actions, but they do say a lot about what you think about him and your relationship. Be sure that you want to be with him. If you believe he is the one for you, then fight for him. Humble yourself and make sure that you are completely honest and open with him about everything you’ve done and everything you’re willing to do to make it right. If he wants to know something, you tell him the truth. Even if he just wants the gory details, you need to give them to him so he can gauge how he feels about the events.
Make it painfully clear to him how sorry you are—apologize repeatedly if need be. Don’t be afraid to grovel, you deserve to squirm a little if we are all being frank with each other. He cannot understand how you feel, or what you may regret unless you clearly state it to him. He’s not a mind reader. His mental capacity will be impaired by the fact that he is hurt and emotional.
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Be patient with him and let him take his time in sorting through his thoughts and feelings. He has a right to feel betrayed and angry. He needs to be able to feel those feelings before he can get past them. Once is he able to forgive you, if he can at all, he is going to have some trust issues going forward. You are going to have to continually fight for your relationship and rebuild the trust that was damaged.
After you have cheated on him, it is time for it to be about him. You have no right to be upset, you are not the one who was hurt. Let him yell, let him cry, let him do whatever it is that he needs to get out of his system. Then work together to get back to where your relationship once was. To get him back after you cheated on him, you need to abandon your ego and prove that you are worth forgiving.
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