by Haleigh Couture
Photo by Moose Photos from Pexels
Sometimes, the need for control can come off as alluring. It’s just enough to make you feel a certain type of way. Maybe it’s the way he always wants to know what you are up to, or how he gets a tad jealous when you talk to other guys. At first, you may find it incredibly reassuring. Surely his feelings for you are strong, because why else would he act like this? But then, his jealousy becomes something much darker.
Is your man controlling? Here are some early telltale signs of a controlling man:
Possessiveness: Every woman wants a man who is always there for her. Having him around makes you feel safe. His presence is not something you hate. But we are women after all—in any relationship, we need our own space to grow independently. A possessive man will not fancy this one bit. He will want to keep tabs on your whereabouts by constantly tracking who you are with. You may notice he is trying to slowly isolate you, by dwindling your close relationships with friends and family. He may not have much of a social life himself because he is someone who knows it is much easier to control a singular relationship than it would be to control numerous complicated ones.
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Spontaneity: Spontaneity is probably not his forte. By exercising control in all things, he has the means to control everything. You care for him, so he will most likely use your relationship and your love for him as a weapon, holding it over your head to manipulate you into fulfilling his every wish and whim. This possessiveness can look harmless and simply may be overlooked as somewhat normal behavior - but, it’s not. If you feel like you are suffocating in your relationship because he is constantly smothering you, wanting your schedule to be his schedule, your needs to fit his, well, these you may be signs of dating a possessive man with control issues.
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Manipulation: Let’s face it. Most men with control issues are usually narcissists, or at the very least have narcissistic tendencies. If your man makes you feel guilty for wanting to see your friends, like every time you want to see other people, it’s because he wants you to feel bad in hopes that you will only find time for him. You may even be bold enough to call him out for his actions, but like any good manipulator, he will still make you feel as if you are the one at fault. Gaslighting you is something he does often, twisting the situation or words to make things seem as if his way is the only logical way.
Dominance: Your man exudes this domineering appeal, the kind of charm that got you hooked in the first place. Controlling men often know how to present themselves to seem perfect. Reality check - there is no such thing as perfect and your man is no exception. His flaws may be dark and deep-rooted. He can be very convincing because he is a smooth talker. He will want to hold all the power in your relationship. This can even mean making trivial and larger life decisions his choice and his alone. You will feel as though you don’t have a say in the relationship because his word is what goes.
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Intimacy: Any level of intimacy, whether it is physical or emotional, is difficult for a controlling man. When it comes to sex, this will surely be his favorite means of control. It won’t seem like an act of passion and connection for you or him, because it’s not. It can feel awkward and incredibly unsatisfying. He quite literally gets off on controlling you in the bedroom. Demanding sex is normal for controlling men, but meeting your emotional needs is not something he knows how to satisfy, nor does he truly care about. You will want things to change, because it does hurt, but he’s just not wired that way.
Score Keeper: You will never feel enough for him. The things he seeks out of you will never fulfill him. Complying with a controlling person will only fuel their need to go further. Say goodbye to that corporate job that you’ve worked so hard for because he won’t want you to pursue something that means your time is taken by work and personal growth.
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The Takeaways: He may be hypnotic with his alluring demeanor, but at the end of the day his actions are toxic. Any man who uses your love against you is not your type of man. Emotions and relationships are challenging enough, and if he knows how to take advantage of your heart - that’s not someone you should ever entrust to protect it. Don’t wait for the flags to turn red, just walk away. These are just a few of the many daunting signs of a controlling man. So, ladies, don’t ever let a controlling man rain on your parade.
Sources:
Davenport, Barrie. “Controlling Men: Empowering Advice for Women Involved with Bullies.” Live Bold and Bloom, 6 Oct. 2020, liveboldandbloom.com/10/relationships/controlling.
Rosenfeld, Mark. “7 Early Warning Signs A Guy Is Going to End Up Being Controlling AF.” Thought Catalog, 29 July 2018, thoughtcatalog.com/Mark-Rosenfeld/2016/11/7-early-warning-signs-a-guy-is-going-to-end-up-being-controlling-af/.