Does the Music You Listen to Keep You Single?

Can the music you listen to keep you single?

The answer is: maybe. Music is the art of arranging sounds in time to create a unique composition that expresses emotion, tells a story, or conveys ideas. It combines elements like melody, rhythm, harmony, and dynamics to evoke feelings, connect people, and transcend the boundaries of language and culture. It’s always interesting to see fans go to war over their favorite musician, but this rarely happens for their favorite actor or the owner of their favorite restaurant. So, what makes music so hypnotic and powerful?

And are there negative effects to idolizing celebrities? Music can be spellbinding because it taps into the depths of human emotion, stirring feelings of joy, sadness, nostalgia, or excitement. It has the power to stimulate the senses. The downside to being a music lover is that while you may enjoy a particular artist—perhaps even follow them on Instagram or Twitter—their music might actually contribute to stagnancy in your life.

Artists like SZA and Summer Walker, who often sing about losing a partner, loving a partner more than themselves, or, in some cases, being a proud side chick, serve as prime examples. We listen to their music, recite their lyrics, and before we know it, the haunting melodies begin to evoke feelings within us. These feelings can lead us to break no contact, stay in toxic relationships, or worse, become a third party in someone else’s relationship.

Idolizing celebrities can lead someone to feel obligated to listen to and support everything that artist shares with the world, which can be detrimental. If an artist is going through a breakup and chooses to stay in that relationship while singing about it, they can influence their listeners to do the same in their own lives. Music makes us feel safe because it creates a sense of unity or intimacy that we may not believe we can find elsewhere.

This type of codependency leads us to believe that the music we’re listening to is a guiding light, a compass directing us into the next chapter of our relationships. Whether you want to believe it or not, songs act as spells, and this is the primary reason why there is a clear distinction in the music released by Black artists versus non-Black artists. Encouraging men and women to engage in a culture that is unhealthy for their community overall is a nefarious plot carried out through the melodies and harmonies we hear booming through our speakers and headphones.

A few Tribe Members chimed in to share their thoughts: “SZA’s music had me desperate,” “I love Summer Walker, but maturing has changed my music taste indefinitely,” and “As beautiful as their music is, I don’t want to experience heartbreak over and over again.” Many women are waking up to the realization that by listening to sad songs repeatedly, they may be keeping a portal open for endless disappointment and turmoil.

Sure, there are some non-believers who will say this is not true and perhaps we’re all just overthinking it, but did you know that early humans used sound as a means of communication and ritualistic expression? Music began as a part of rituals to honor deities, nature, and ancestors. Before the development of complex language, music-like sounds such as humming, clapping, and tonal speech were used to alert others and express emotion.

Fast forward to today, we can still see that music is used as a tool to express emotions, but it does, in fact, serve as a bridge between the physical and the divine. In many churches—Pentecostal or Christian—you may see churchgoers become overwhelmingly emotional during moments of praise and worship. This is because they can feel the connection being made between themselves and the divine. When we allow music into our lives, we should do so with careful consideration because the words we repeat can have consequences if sung with intention.

Many singers or artists who make sad love songs don’t always have the best track record when it comes to their personal relationships. We can even go back to the 90s with artists like Mary J. Blige. The songs she would sing undoubtedly reflected and possibly impacted her personal life—she was in an abusive relationship and later left that relationship only to be cheated on by another man. Keyshia Cole, even at the age of 43, continues to find herself in and out of relationships.

We can also look to artists such as Muni Long, who recently began seeing success as a musician. Despite being married during her songwriting days, once she started making mainstream R&B music, she is now heading for divorce. Can we think of even one or a few women who still sing sad love songs yet are in happy, loving, and successful relationships? You’re more likely to see an actor, actress, or maybe even a retired R&B singer experiencing a happy marriage with a loving partner, but seldom do you see it among the current R&B girls.

We can also use an artist like Beyoncé as an example. Her music has evolved throughout her career; the more in love she became, the less she sang about heartbreak or being Miss Independent. Aside from her Lemonade album, which served as a therapeutic release while coping with her husband’s past infidelity, Beyoncé isn’t making music for the heartbroken girlies.

Another clear example of this is her take on the infamous Jolene song, originally performed by Dolly Parton. In the original song, Parton begs another woman not to take her man. She calls her rival beautiful beyond compare and explains that her partner is so enamored with this other woman that he even talks about her in his sleep. But when Beyoncé performs the song, she reimagines it as a warning to another woman to stay away from her man—or face consequences.

Nowhere in Beyoncé’s version does she speak life into this potential homewrecker. Instead, she’s so confident in her relationship that she dismisses the idea of her man being interested in anyone else. The message is clear: Jolene shouldn’t even waste her time. There’s a stark contrast between the lyrics and the song's message, which was, of course, intentional.

All in all, please be mindful of the music you choose to listen to and sing along with—you might be keeping yourself single.

by Danielle Wright & Diamond Brown