The Role of Self-love in Attracting Healthy Relationships
The stigma surrounding women with a lot of sexual experience is intense and long-lasting. Men and women love sex equally, yet for a woman to have a lot of it is frowned upon. Men want women who know what they’re doing, yet they cannot come to terms with the fact that it takes practice to get there. If men want talent in the sheets, they need to accept that it comes from experience in the streets.
I cannot begin to count the number of times I have heard men utter the phrase, “A key that can open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is a shitty lock.” Rest assured, I have heard it far too often. Not only is it mind-bogglingly stupid, but it is also infuriating. We are human beings, not keys and locks.
We are in 2021 now, not 1821. Our ‘virtue’ is no longer a possession that our fathers sell to the most suitable bidder. It never should have been, but thankfully, that tradition ended long ago. So why do men still try to label a woman with a long sexual history as lesser than? If a man tries to make you feel guilty for having sex before you even knew he existed, you need to run.
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Women are not meek creatures who need to shy away from men or sex. We are strong, independent, and beautiful beings. Why should we not embrace that? Is it to keep men from feeling uncomfortable or intimidated? A real man won’t care. A man who respects women and their right to their own bodies will not have an issue with your past intimacy.
Women have no reason to be ashamed of doing what makes them happy—whatever that may be. The stigma around women with high body counts is an attempt at suppression. Why shouldn’t women be able to have just as much fun as men? To make men feel more important and comfortable? No, thank you. If a man is wary of your sexual history, be wary of his. The hypocrisy surrounding this subject will only end if we put an end to it.
The same goes for women—don’t be intimidated or worried by a high body count. Even if you’re inexperienced, if your partner is experienced, it’ll be enjoyable for you both. And if there’s something else that worries you about high body counts, just remember that you’ve both made a consensual choice to be together in whatever capacity that may be.
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The only thing that truly matters is the role that self-love plays in your life —how much and how often you are pouring into yourself. Don’t overthink it, just enjoy the journey. A woman’s body count does not matter (and really, neither should a man’s). If he asks for your number, give an honest answer. If he’s uncomfortable with it, remind him that the past is the past—you chose to be with him. If he can’t accept that and move past his discomfort, he doesn’t deserve you. Whether your number is low or high, it is your story, and no man should make it his concern.
While the phrase “the past is the past” may seem like a cop-out at times, in this case, it holds true. As long as you aren’t increasing your number while in a monogamous relationship, you can have all the sex you want. Feeling guilty or ashamed of the number of men you have slept with is a thing of the past. It is time for women to live their lives unashamed!
by Jeanine Dorrough
