by Danielle Wright
So, what is a situationship?
A situationship is an informal relationship between two people where they are casually having sex and are either friends or dating. It’s FWB but a bit more intimate, meaning you will spend non-sex time together and you may both be exclusively sleeping with one another, but the emotional support is not there and both of you are free to date others. Sounds so appealing, doesn’t it? I mean, where on earth do I sign up? Please excuse my sarcasm.
In 2023, situationships have grown increasingly popular for the simple reason that men do not trust themselves to be faithful and project this fear onto their partner. If he does not think he can be faithful, he will not believe a woman can either. Moreover, their needs are still met without having to worry about investing in a committed relationship, especially financially. Men do not see time as we do, so we cannot factor that in, unfortunately.
Anything other than a relationship where both parties expect monogamy should be demonized. When you give yourself without a title, you set yourself up to be treated like a second-class citizen. The man will not be there for you emotionally and may even traumatize you. So, the answer to whether you can be friends after a situationship should be an easy "no."
But, we understand that many women need validation, and their egos can't handle being rejected by someone they care for deeply. The reality is that the feelings are not mutual. A man cannot simply be friends with an attractive woman if he is single, and the likelihood that he will still hit on you or request sex is high. That's all you will ever receive from him.
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Any man who is okay staying friends with a woman he was once intimate with does not like or love her. He may get upset and treat you with disdain if you talk about other men. If he's not investing in you, not taking you on dates, and not doing anything romantic, it's safe to say that he's just not that into you. Even the brokest man will take you to a movie and buy you flowers. If he doesn't adjust his behavior after you express your needs, then he's probably not a good match for you.
As a woman, you deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, and love. The problem is that you cannot make a man hear what he does not want to hear, even if it would strengthen your relationship in the long run.
Wanting to remain friends with a situationship is a desperate attempt to stick around, hoping to show him why you would make the best girlfriend or wife. Once you've allowed yourself to be sold for such a low cost, it's almost impossible to convince him to invest in you. You're considered refurbished at best, and no man wants that. He would rather seek other options.
If you want to raise your value, you have to leave and stay gone. Nothing you say or do can change a man, as we cannot change them. Men do not stick around to change women. They may stick around to wear her down into sleeping with him, but if she is not what he wants, he will simply move on to someone else.
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STAND UP FOR YOURSELF
I am surprised by how many people advocate against standing up for yourself, and I have to admit, it feels like a gendered issue. Like it or not, women are often encouraged to sit down and shut up. We are trained from an early age that “boys will be boys” and that nobody likes a bossy girl. In professional atmospheres, women often have to hold more credentials than men just to be taken half seriously.
An example of this in dating is that women are not allowed to have a high body count, whereas for men, it’s praised and preferred. Women have to maintain a certain physique and appearance, whereas men, even if they're unattractive, will expect the same treatment and admiration as a man who takes pride in his appearance.
If your situationship has ended and the man wants to stay friends, stand up for yourself! Tell him no and give him a piece of your mind for ever thinking you are that cheap and desperate to want to hang around behind someone who was not man enough to treat you well. And yes, he may respond by telling you that he was just not that into you—hence why he did not do anything to make you happy.
Understand something, most men are losers who sit around chatting about frivolous things such as cars, women they have no chance with, and video games or sports. They lack depth and any real knowledge. Do not let this confused, overgrown little boy make you feel inferior.
The truth is, when a man uses an excuse like that, he is telling on himself. He is, in fact, deeply flawed, so much so that he is seeking out and approaching women he has no intention of treating well. That speaks more to his character than it does to yours.
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Men like him want women to believe that a woman has to be the one to make him want to be a good human being, when the reality is, if he was a good human being to begin with, a man with a purpose, he would not say things like that.
It is not your job as a woman to make a man treat you well because it is not our job to make anyone do anything. Men like that are womanizers and will go through hundreds of women until he finally learns that he is the problem, which by then may be too late. According to sources, men are dying alone, and the aforementioned is one of the many reasons why.
Tell you what, we want to take things a bit further and introduce you to a book that will change your life, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. This book changed me for the better. I am sensitive and used to attract many narcissists, but after reading this book cover to cover, I was able to use better judgment when it comes to who I allow into my life and what reactions I would give them when they did something not to my liking. As a woman who is all about radiating feminine energy, this book was a turning point for me. No situationship is worth lowering your value for. Get into it.