"Black Men Are Bad for Business": Sex Workers Discuss Working with Male African American Clients

"You did this thing I realize a lot of people do to Black people: you group them all together, but you give white people the privilege of individuality." - Bam, Facebook

Over the weekend, I took some time to explore the YouTube channel Soft White Underbelly after a subscriber mentioned their content while reading my last article, Are Sex Workers Replacing Girlfriends?

It was an interesting deep dive because, while much of their content is centered around addictions—from alcohol to fentanyl—they also feature interviews with strippers and prostitutes. Watching a few of the interviews, one common theme emerged when discussing their clients: no Black men. Then, as if on cue, I went over to TikTok and a video popped up on my feed of a sex worker discussing in great detail why she no longer accepts Black men as clients. Her reasoning? “Black men are bad business.”

Hundreds of comments swarmed the video, ranging from Black women agreeing to Black men defending themselves. The most obvious reasons behind this discourse seem to be that Black men are either unwilling to pay for the services they wish to receive or they become violent with the women. It appears that most women encounter two types of Black men:

• Type (a) are those coddled by their mothers to the point where they expect the world to bend to their will, especially Black women. They feel entitled to Black women’s love, kindness, or even, in this case, their services.
• Type (b) are men who were raised in a hostile environment, where their mother was either noticeably absent, dismissive, or hostile towards them. This only fuels their resentment towards Black women, and as a result, they become violent towards them.

The most important question you can ask a Black man upon first meeting is, “What is your relationship with your mother like?” if she is still alive. If she is not alive, this question can be asked in the past tense. Overall, a man’s relationship with his mother is going to tell you a lot about his character. Sex workers are not interested in getting to know their Johns; it’s a matter of put up and shut up. There’s no need for a passionate exchange—it’s a business after all.

With this in mind, it’s easy to generalize and say that all Black men will no longer be serviced by this group of women due to the challenges they present (celebrities aside). Prostitutes and their pimps often shy away from this demographic, even if the working girl is African American, for the same reasons mentioned. But what is it about Black men that leads to this discourse around finances, especially when poverty among Black men is complex, stemming from various historical, social, and economic factors?

One user answered, “It’s because they want to be seen as men like other races, but rather than doing the hard work—such as building infrastructure and raising families—they just use misogyny to attempt to do so.” But if the relationship with their mothers is significant in shaping their values and moral compass, wouldn’t the fault lie with the women for birthing sons they cannot raise with strong values, or for damaging their psyches?

The solution, then, is to stop having children you cannot afford or raise. Bashing men who are already suffering from systemic racism isn’t the answer either, because despite their status, they are still procreating and building families with the same women who later bash them. It’s a toxic cycle on both sides. We are all aware that centuries of slavery, followed by the Jim Crow era of segregation and discrimination, significantly limited economic opportunities for Black men and women, creating generational wealth gaps.

Policies like redlining during and after World War II excluded many Black families from owning homes in desirable areas, preventing them from building wealth through homeownership. This wealth gap is passed down through generations, limiting the resources available to today’s Black men. They lack disposable income and assets but still desire sexual companionship and pleasure. This explains the negotiating and bargaining tactics many Black men adopt when dating or seeking sex workers.

We must also consider job discrimination, criminal records, and deindustrialization. Studies have shown that racial discrimination in hiring practices continues, with resumes featuring “Black-sounding” names receiving fewer callbacks than those with “White-sounding” names. This form of discrimination affects both genders, as Black women experience it as well.

It’s a societal issue, not unique to one individual or class. A good example of criminal records and deindustrialization is depicted in the film Soul Food, where Lem struggles to find a job after being released from prison until his wife, Bird, speaks with an ex and helps him secure employment at a factory. Additionally, according to Pew Trusts, "Since the start of the pandemic, jail populations increased more for Black people than White people—8.0% for Black people compared to 0.4% for White people."

It is because a large number of Black men are incarcerated, the money circulated through African American communities does not seem to make it out of the “hood.” For example, in a low-income household, the woman may earn income, have a child, and then the father is incarcerated. The money they earn is funneled into the justice system—commissary, lawyers, and sometimes restitution.

Black men feel inferior to men of other races and do not compare themselves financially, which is another argument seen online and in social groups. Black men often lack the social networks and opportunities available to other racial groups, which is crucial for job mobility, especially in fields like corporate America and technology. With all of this at play, it becomes evident that Black men tend to compare themselves financially to Black women—the very women who raise them and are often seen as being in difficult situations themselves.

When you compare yourself to someone whom you perceive to share similar struggles, it's often referred to as "social comparison." More specifically, if you focus on individuals who are facing similar challenges, this can be considered "downward social comparison" (comparing yourself to those who are worse off) or "upward social comparison" (comparing yourself to those who are better off).

Is this morally correct? No. But many of the women who raise these Black men are not instilling in them the values of marriage and family, as they may not have experienced it themselves and do not see its significance for survival. They are surviving just fine, without a man, and embracing independence. The issues plaguing the African American community, unfortunately, will not be resolved anytime soon. Sex workers should strongly reconsider casting judgment on any race of men for their lack of resources and principles.

by Danielle Wright