Why African American Couples Should Consider Marriage Counseling and Therapy

In a relationship, when all else fails, go to therapy. For most couples, therapy is often a last resort, typically the result of an ultimatum. Black couples’ therapy, in particular, isn’t frequently sought out but can be a healthy solution for sustaining Black love. Black couples often face unique challenges compared to other groups. The traumas and struggles of Black individuals are frequently intensified by racially based trauma and discrimination.

The roles of Black men and women in relationships are often shaped by external contributing factors. “The Black family suffers from the generational trauma of slavery that taught Black women they could not depend on their husbands. Since he could not ‘save’ her from the beatings, rape, and degradation inflicted by slave owners, she passed that belief to her children, who passed it to theirs, and so on.

The Black man, in turn, has been emasculated since slavery and has operated within systems that do not value him. This makes it difficult for him to value himself and impacts his role in the marriage or relationship,” said Shawnnell Batiste, a licensed therapist in Texas and Louisiana and Founder and CEO of Choosing Empowerment LLC. These historical racial dynamics often amplify common marital challenges, such as finances, communication, and infidelity, while intensifying mistrust within relationships.

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Family dynamics and upbringing can also contribute to emotional baggage brought into relationships. A traumatic childhood often explains why individuals react to situations in specific ways. “From 2015 to 2019, the share of families headed by single parents was 75% among African American families, 59% among Hispanic families, 38% among white families, and 20% among Asian families. Interestingly, these numbers closely mirror disparities within the criminal justice system,” said Dr. La’Tesha, founder of Great Joy Counseling Services and a licensed Clinical Social Worker.

In the Black community, seeking professional help is often not seen as a viable option. There’s an unspoken lack of trust in the medical field among Black individuals. “Black people are aware that less than 15% of Licensed Clinical Social Workers are Black, and only about 2% of members of the American Psychological Association are Black. Representation and the ability to relate to someone on the other side of the desk are integral to receiving quality care,” Dr. La’Tesha added.

Black couples can enjoy immense, long-lasting love when their issues are addressed, and one of the best ways to achieve this is through couples’ therapy. Batiste encourages Black couples to seek therapy and explore their problems—sometimes even addressing them before they escalate. Her approach focuses on the individual, examining belief systems about self, family, society, finances, and upbringing to uncover the sources of internal issues.

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“The individual, generational, systematic, and historical racial trauma play a significant role in all relationships, which can be damaging to Black couples and families. These traumas need awareness, acknowledgment, and healing if Black couples are to thrive,” said Batiste.

To ensure progress as a couple, it’s crucial to work on solutions and focus on the strengths within the relationship. Choosing a therapist who understands the unique dynamics and experiences of Black people in the U.S. is essential. Together, you and your partner should hold onto what’s right in your relationship while being open to working on areas that need improvement. Trust in each other and in the process of therapy can help resurrect and strengthen many relationships.

by Lorraine Jones