What is the Relationship Reset Rule?

The other day, a young lady on TikTok decided to share her story about how she was swindled by a man she met on Facebook Dating. The twenty-four-part series (so far) reveals that, in the span of just three days, she was convinced to spend over $4,000 on this man. Additionally, she spent weeks trying to recoup her money from him, which tragically led to her being raped after refusing to engage in sexual activity with him. This refusal came because he owed her money, and she was no longer romantically interested in him.

Needless to say, despite the flurry of comments urging her to contact the authorities or sue him in court, she is not following their advice. Why? During their three-day excursion, she happened to purchase something for him that was…well…illegal. This means that if she presses charges, she might be held liable for that single purchase, potentially putting herself in jeopardy as well. So, what’s her solution? Share her story on TikTok and try to recoup her losses through exposure.

There are many women and men in today’s dating pool who are simply inexperienced or naïve, and that’s perfectly okay. However, lacking real street knowledge when using dating apps to find a mate can be dangerous. This young lady wasn’t exactly “swindled” in the traditional sense; she was finessed, as another creator aptly put it.

Dating is inherently challenging because you never truly know someone’s intentions until after a few encounters. However, I’ve always believed that dating is generally easier for women than for men due to biological differences in brain structure and processing. Studies suggest subtle distinctions in how male and female brains handle information. Men often show more activation in areas related to goal-directed behavior and immediate problem-solving, which might explain their quick actions. For example:

• If he’s rushing dates to have sex, he’s likely “backed up” and hasn’t had intimacy in a while.
• If he’s asking for money, he’s likely poor and trying to repay someone or solve an urgent financial problem.

Men’s dating styles often reflect their immediate needs, such as shelter and food—essentials they might not currently have. Have you heard of being “house poor”? It’s when someone has just enough for a down payment and closing costs but nothing left afterward. Similarly, some men approach dating with just enough resources for three dates, after which they aim to satisfy their desires or resolve a problem they’re facing. This is also known as the “bait and switch” tactic, a common ploy in dating.

When I say women have it easier in dating, I mean we have tools to evaluate men quickly: the type of photos they post, their conversational style, and—most importantly—the way they lead. These cues often emerge within 24 hours, helping us make an informed decision about whether someone is dating or husband material. In the young lady’s case, her suitor’s dating profile immediately signaled to viewers that he wasn’t a quality match. Yet, she still chose him. In situations like this—especially if it becomes a pattern—it’s not enough to go no-contact, switch to a different dating app, or create another storytime. What’s needed is a relationship reset.

The Relationship Reset Rule is a term coined by The Relationship Authority, She’s SINGLE Magazine. It is a transformative practice designed for individuals who consistently face disappointment in their dating and relationship experiences. This rule recognizes that repeated letdowns often indicate deeper personal issues, such as low self-esteem, poor decision-making, or a lack of discernment in choosing compatible partners.

Unlike the no-contact rule, which focuses on creating distance from an ex-partner and often keeps them central to the healing process, the Relationship Reset Rule shifts the focus entirely inward. It encourages individuals to take a complete break from dating and relationships to reset their expectations, build confidence, and cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth. Until you can ask yourself, “Am I healed or just isolated because there is no one around to trigger me?” and respond with something other than "I don't know," you should not be dating.

Triggers can manifest in various ways: fight-or-flight responses, giving men money to earn their affection (a fear of abandonment), having an anxious attachment style, and so forth. This period of intentional self-work is not about waiting for someone to miss you or rekindling past relationships. Instead, it focuses on fostering personal growth, emotional clarity, and the skills necessary to make healthier decisions in future romantic pursuits. The Relationship Reset Rule emphasizes self-improvement and empowerment, enabling individuals to approach love and dating from a place of readiness and strength.

Most of the people on dating apps or websites are not there because they are ready to date or genuinely single. Many are bored, looking to cheat, or seeking someone to exploit in the name of love—preying on "desperate dummies." The alternative to dating apps is simple: meeting people in public spaces. Men are no strangers to heartbreak or rejection, and if a man is too afraid to approach you in a public setting, it’s safe to assume that, in an emergency, he cannot be relied upon for protection.

Men who ask women out in public are perceived as more masculine and respected than those who hide behind keyboards on dating apps. Do not envy women who appear to find success through dating apps—we don’t know the full backstory of their lives or the dynamics of their relationships. It’s easier for a man on a dating app to manipulate a woman into lowering her standards or settling for things she would normally oppose. Why? Because, once you're on a dating app, many men already see you as "the bottom of the barrel" or "the lowest of the low."

Take a break from relationships and decide what’s best for you and your future. No man is worth unnecessary headaches or heartaches, and it's almost always apparent when a man has ill intentions or won’t be a good partner. Instead of thinking, “I don’t want to feel like I wasted my time,” consider saying, “I’m glad I didn’t create a carbon copy of that man.

When dating and choosing a mate, women should evaluate many factors: finances, leadership qualities, morals, values, traditions, and more. Meeting a man on a dating app who refuses to court you or treat you like the lady you are—and still choosing to lay with him—suggests you may not be ready to date, let alone procreate. You need more time to grow, heal, and understand yourself better.

Don’t settle. Take a reset if you need it.

by Lisa K. Stephenson