Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, Who Says Valentine’s Day Isn’t for You?

For as long as I could remember, single women were always seen as problematic—going against the grain, unworthy of love, and treated like pariahs. Once I entered college and shows like Girlfriends and Sex and the City began to grow in popularity among my age demographic, it really made me wonder, “Why is singlehood being glamorized?” (I get it now)! Not only that, but we take a look at characters like Samantha Jones and Lynn Searcy—the women who deviated from the norm, were hypersexual, and were the free thinkers of their respective shows.

Maya and Charlotte—both hopeless romantics—centered their lives on the concept of companionship. Maya, in the beginning, was married, followed by divorce, only to be married again—a similar pattern we also saw with Charlotte. Some may say that since both Joan and Carrie are the leading ladies of their shows, heavy similarities can be drawn. However, I beg to differ, finding Carrie’s character to be more aloof and narcissistic, similar to Toni Childs. And finally, Joan is our Miranda with a splash of Carrie.

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Why are so many women choosing to be single now? Actresses Julia Fox, Tracee Ellis Ross, Sharon Stone, Drew Barrymore, and Kaley Cuoco are just a few stars who we know are single, successful, and share some of the same sentiments when it comes to dating and settling down.

“I have really good male friends, but I feel that when it comes to emotional maturity in relationships, men and women are seemingly in different spots,” Sharon Stone said. Cuoco added, “I just find people to be insincere and not worth my time. I enjoy my alone time and time with my kids and my friends more. I feel like I don’t need another kid.”

Studies have shown that women who do not have children and are not married live longer, earn more money, are healthier, are less likely to die by suicide, and, more importantly, are less likely to be victims of homicide. According to UN Women, “Globally, 85,000 women and girls were killed intentionally in 2023. Sixty percent of these homicides—51,100—were committed by an intimate partner or a family member. The data shows that 140 women and girls die every day at the hands of their partner or a close relative, which means one woman or girl is killed every 10 minutes.”

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But is hypersexuality in men also to blame? A TikTok user by the name of Vixen Kin shared her thoughts on DL men and hypersexuality as it correlates to women choosing to be single. “I just feel like Black men are very hypersexual. I think a portion of it is because of the media, the rap songs—Black men are basically saying, ‘We don’t trust these 304s. We just want to f*** them.’ Talking about women as if they are just disgusted by them, like they’re just objects. I’m not attracted to your femininity. I’m not attracted to what you can bring to me as you being a woman and me being a man.”

When we think of holidays such as Valentine’s Day or Christmas—where wives have openly expressed not receiving gifts from their partners despite planning and executing the holiday to ensure that everyone else’s needs are met—it’s safe to say that most men are not open to learning, let alone applying, the tools needed to exercise real romance.

But what is romance? Romance isn’t what makes someone fall in love with you; it’s what reminds that person just how much you love them. As one Tribe Member put it, “Buying your lady flowers expresses that, ‘More than anyone, I love and appreciate your presence in my life.’ Buying your date flowers expresses that, ‘I am extremely grateful that you decided to spend this time with me.’”

Now that sex and the presence of a woman have become so accessible, men no longer feel the need to show appreciation and gratitude for a woman’s presence in their lives. Her time is no longer valuable, and neither are the resources tethered to her femininity. Now, these resources have to be tangible for a man to deem a woman worthy of his time and affection. A woman needs to work ten times harder to gain a man’s affection because he is aroused at every angle of his life once he is in possession of a cellular device.

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It’s not uncommon for women to feel lonely this time of year—feeling dismissed, rejected, and saddened by their relationship status—but there is always a silver lining. As mentioned in a previous article, once the gifts are exchanged, men are now looking to be repaid. While perusing social media, I came across a post that read, “His gift just started bleeding,” meaning that her partner’s gift for Valentine’s Day was sex, but that may have to change now that she’s on her period. Many women in the comments related to her, some feeling disappointed and dreading their partner’s reaction. Believe it or not, this is very common in relationships.

Obligatory intimacy can lead to physical abuse, infidelity, and even homicide. It is the pressure to meet a partner’s needs even when circumstances (like fatigue, postpartum, or menstruation) make it difficult. In 2013, I was in a relationship and working two jobs to pay down my debt. I was exhausted on the holiday but still made sure to spend time with my boyfriend and do activities together. Once we were home, I knew he was going to want to have sex, but I was not in the mood and eventually started to drift off to sleep.

A few minutes later, I felt a sting across my cheek as he smacked me awake. “I can’t sleep,” he said with a malicious grin. In that moment, I should have known that the relationship was going to go downhill from there, but I did not react the way I should have. We had sex, and we both went to sleep. Although I am not traumatized by what happened, I have since learned that those behaviors are not normal and should never be acceptable in any relationship. If you cannot confidently and safely decline intimacy with your partner for whatever reason without them feeling the need to retaliate, then it is time to leave the relationship.

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Despite the horrific statistics—red roses—or the sad stories and generational trauma men project onto women—blue violets—you should never stop celebrating you! Valentine’s Day is not all about being romanced by a man; it’s about showing up for yourself and making it a girls’ day with friends and female family members. It’s a day to treat yourself to the things that make you feel happy and seen.

A holiday is not going to change how a person treats you. If anything, it will always highlight your level of importance to that person. Don’t end up disappointed on Valentine’s Day and sulking because you don’t have to engage in obligatory sex, spend money on a man you could otherwise have spent on yourself buying something from LUEQ or treating yourself to some new home décor, and missing out on a key moment to do some self-reflection.

Repeat these affirmations anytime you start to feel lonely:

• “My worth is not defined by my relationship status—I am whole, loved, and complete just as I am.”

• “This season of solitude is a gift, allowing me to grow, heal, and attract the love that truly aligns with me.”

• “I am never truly alone—love surrounds me in friendships, passions, and the deep connection I have with myself.”

And don’t forget to stream Shells by the Sea from The Snows of Khione: Book 1 soundtrack, available on all streaming platforms.

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Happy Valentine’s Day, Missie

By Lisa K. Stephenson & Danielle Wright