Is He Into You or Just Being Nice? 10 Signs to Watch For

“I go for weak women. You can tell a woman is weak from one conversation. They’re never confident, they never keep eye contact, and their appearance is usually something casual. They never dress feminine. They may wear makeup and get their hair done, but when you offer to take them out to a nice restaurant, they’ll usually say something along the lines of, ‘I don’t have anything to wear’ or ‘Is there a dress code?’” – TikTok User

Dating isn’t about playing games; it’s about being aware of the games people play. Since the beginning of time, men have always been selfish—prioritizing their needs over those of a woman and, in some cases, even their children. Self-preservation is a character trait that all men possess, and with this comes the ability to get what they want, often manifesting in their behavior or decision-making across different situations.

Sometimes you’ll hear women say, “He wasn’t like that with me,” or “I did not experience the things you did when you guys were together.” A prime example of this is seen with rapper Young Miami, aka Caresha, and Sean ‘P. Diddy’ Combs. Caresha and Diddy sparked dating rumors from 2021 to 2023. On May 17, 2024, CCTV footage emerged showing Mr. Combs assaulting Cassie Ventura in the hallway of a Los Angeles hotel in 2016.

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After this, fans and spectators alike were on the edge of their seats, waiting for Caresha to speak on the incident—either to deny experiencing something similar during her time with Diddy or to confirm that she too was a victim. She later appeared on her podcast, Caresha Please, alongside best friend Saucy Santana, to let fans know that she, in fact, did not experience any type of abuse while dating the music mogul. So, what makes one woman different from another?

Whether or not a man is into you is usually pretty obvious—but sometimes, men can be into whoever will benefit them once they’ve decided they are ready to settle down. The Proximity Rule, as described in the article Should You Text First? A Modern Guide for Men, discusses this in greater detail: “…relationship pattern where men who postpone marriage and commitment until late in life ultimately settle down with the most conveniently available partner at the time they are ready.”

So, let’s say you meet a man today who, like the gentleman quoted above, is only interested in seeking out women he considers weak-minded and easily manipulated. You might believe he’s into you because he asks you on a date, introduces you to his family and friends, buys you gifts, and even proposes a monogamous relationship. But does all of this mean he is truly into you (marriage, loyalty, etc.)? Probably not. This man could simply be interested in ensuring he has a warm body to lay next to at night and a woman to have sex with—which is why it’s not uncommon to see men living with and fathering children with a partner they never intend to marry.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

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YOU MEET IN PERSON – Yes, I know this one may be controversial given today’s digital landscape, but think of it like this: If a man can decide that a woman wearing casual clothing makes her weak-minded and desperate, then what makes you think he’s willing to place more value on a woman he’s met on a dating app? A woman who is showing the world that she cannot meet a person in real life to give her the things she desires (e.g., monogamy and marriage) is not a woman any man is willing to take seriously. It’s safe to say he is into you if he approaches you in person.

HE DOESN’T ASK FOR YOUR SNAPCHAT OR INSTAGRAM – Now that you’ve met in person, here’s the next sign to look for—he asks for your phone number. In cases like this, it’s best to share your Google Voice number, but he does earn points for requesting a number rather than your Instagram or Snapchat. If he asks for your IG information, he is a window shopper and likely a player. He may be dating and texting multiple women on any given day.

Snapchat? He’s likely in a relationship and wants to keep you a secret. Also, something to add here that recently happened to me: A gentleman decided to DM me on Instagram and then turned on disappearing messages. At first, I had no idea what that was, but after finding out, I politely let him know that he does not have to worry about my messages disappearing—because there will be none.

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HE ASKS YOU ON A DATE – The talking stage should not last more than one week if you’re generous and 72 hours if you’re serious. Once a man receives your number, the clock starts ticking—he has a maximum of three days to get to know your favorite food, your availability, and your mode of transportation to the date.

This is also around the time a man will start the process of categorizing you. If you allow him to go past a week without setting up a date, then his expectations of having to wine and dine you lower. This is when he will either keep you as a pen pal or suggest something low-effort. Other men, who are simply looking for that warm body I mentioned earlier, will likely just immediately suggest a home date—no need to waste time.

OFFERS TO BRING YOU FOOD – Unless he’s a chef, take this as a sign that he’s into you. As I’ve mentioned before, men are self-serving, and if he’s willing to share his time and resources with you without expecting anything in return, he is for sure into you. These next few signs will mostly cover this—reduced expectations of reciprocity.

SUGGESTING ACTIVITIES YOU WILL ENJOY – Nowadays, men are not looking to be inconvenienced at all, and this means ditching singles' meet-up events, going to a ballet or jazz show, let alone taking you on a nice vacation where he’s willing and prepared to snap your photos and videos for the 'gram or just for your memories together. When a man is into you, your happiness becomes one of his main priorities.

For most men, there are usually only three priorities—make money, start a family, [blank]. When a man asks you questions like, “What do you want to do this weekend?” or “I know you mentioned this ballet on Broadway, I can get us tickets. When do you want to go?” this is a man on a mission. He is attentive, he is action-oriented, and he is for sure into you.

CONTACTS YOU THROUGHOUT THE DAY – This one is subjective because some people prefer to hear from their partner throughout the day, while others do not. This is a preference you need to discuss beforehand, and once the cards are on the table, you have to watch his actions.

Never, ever call a man first! Whether it’s the talking stage or the dating stage, this is his time to impress you—allow him the space to do so. Do not call him at all unless you are returning his call. If he wonders why you never call, you can say something like, “I try not to be a bother. I prefer to call men who have made it clear that we are in a monogamous relationship.”

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PLANNING AND EXECUTING – Ever heard of the "airport dad"? It’s the man who will stay up with his partner, helping to plan and execute their trip. He is getting the transportation in order, he is getting the tickets printed and the bags checked, he is checking his phone to make sure you’re all doing well on time and can relax before boarding your flight. All in all, he’s the planner when it’s important. Men are very selective with how they spend their time and the things they choose to stress over. If he’s not making sure that his plans with you go as smoothly as possible by planning ahead and being proactive, then he’s not into you.

SOLUTION-ORIENTED – Men are all about problem-solving because the quicker they solve a problem, the quicker they can get back to doing what they want to do. This does not mean that, as a woman, you should abuse his ability to be a hop, skip, and a jump away, but you should use discretion when deciding if his help is needed—he’ll appreciate you for this.

Contacting him for every single small inconvenience in your life will push him away, and he’ll go from being into you to just playing nice until he can replace you with someone else. Men love women who are self-sufficient in their absence. But if you happen to have a huge problem and he’s not jumping in to save the day, then he’s not that into you.

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PLANNING A FUTURE, PLANNING AHEAD – Men who see you in their future will always be looking for ways to discuss future plans—whether it’s which vacation you’ll be taking in the summer or which family you’ll be spending the holidays with, he’s planning ahead, and you’re a part of his plans.

COMPLIMENTS – Never underestimate the power of a compliment and what it means coming from a man who is into you versus one who is just being nice. Men who are just looking for a good time may not compliment you because they can’t bring themselves to inflate your ego for the sake of sex. They prefer to fill your head with sweet little nothings about what they’re going to do rather than actually putting in any plan or action to execute.

Men who are into you will compliment you without giving it a second thought because they are proud to be with you. He knows that if you feel good and look good, it reflects well on him and his ability to pull the baddest thing walking. He can easily feel the stares from other men, the jealousy oozing from their pores, and that makes him feel good. A man who never compliments you (unprovoked) is just not that into you.

If a man does not do at least eight of the aforementioned things for you, he is just being nice, and you’ve been friend-zoned. Happy dating.

by Lisa K. Stephenson