How Women’s Independence Can Be Misinterpreted as Selfishness In Relationships
The other day, I worked on an article centered around the soft life trend and how it’s shifting dating expectations.
Today, I want to expand on that, considering there is a video going viral of relationship coach and content creator Princella sharing a story about her and a young lady she was dating. In the video, she details a time when she and this young lady were heading to an event, and the woman says she needs to use the restroom, requesting that Princella stop at a Chick-fil-A. Princella lets her know that since they are running late, she will not be able to stop there and will have to get gas anyway, so she lets the young lady know that she can use the restroom there instead.
Makes sense—logical and considerate if you ask me. Princella goes on to say, “She throws a fit because I won’t make an extra stop so she can go use whatever bathroom she wants to use. Forget that you’re making me late, forget that I gotta get gas, and I say we can do one stop. No, she made that a big issue.” Princella then shares that other women defended the young lady, citing things like, “That’s your lady; you’re supposed to stop and take her to a nice, pretty bathroom.” The relationship coach, shocked by the responses she received, deduced that women view her as a man.
“Women look at me as a man, so they treat me like one. In their mind, I was supposed to bend over backward and take her to a special place to use the bathroom. To hell with me making a logical decision to do a one-stop shop so we can get on the road.” This type of behavior from many women toward men—and sometimes other women—is not uncommon. After spending some time on the app Bumble BFF, I decided I wanted to make some friends and came across a young lady who was open to having dinner.
We went for dinner, and when the bill came, I insisted that we split the bill since we both had the same thing. She asked that we not do that and if she could simply pay the tip because it would come out to the same amount. Instead of arguing, I reluctantly agreed, but on the way home, I realized that I had been swindled. Another young lady did this exact same thing to me as well. When speaking with my brother about it, he stated, “They think you’re a man and should be picking up the tab for them.”
I am as girly and feminine as they come, but this simply goes to show that when it comes to narcissistic women, they do not discriminate between men or women—once they can use you, they will. The reality is, most women are selfish. When it comes to dating or hanging out with friends, they will almost always prioritize themselves and their well-being. When they fail to get their way or the people around them set firm boundaries, they use this as an excuse to exit the relationship or end their friendships. Unfortunately, narcissistic women are not talked about enough because there are more women who have negative experiences with men than vice versa.
So, the market for relationship advice is typically geared toward women and not men, leaving men to their own devices when navigating these types of women and relationships, while also leaving women undiagnosed and, therefore, lacking accountability. It isn’t that women are perfect; it’s that the average man does not know how to articulate his emotions or his experiences well enough for his partner to be able to take the symptoms he’s describing and attribute them to a mental health disorder. Not only that, but if fewer men are speaking about the unfair treatment they experience in their relationships, then it’s likely to continue.
There are two things you should never want to be as a woman: selfish and useless. Women who consider themselves to be independent—aka the “I don’t need a man, but I want a man” warriors—are some of the most selfish and inconsiderate women you will ever come across. They are inconsiderate of other people’s time due to their own hyper-independence and having to be the problem solver in their daily lives, sometimes for themselves and sometimes for themselves and their children.
These women typically lean more into their masculine side but will pout, throw a fit, and create conflict whenever they are around a man or woman they deem inferior to themselves. Perhaps that man or woman is far more accomplished but is humble, kind, and patient. A masculine, hyper-independent woman will still view this person as a subservient being because they lack boundaries or for men, they fear being labeled as "disrespectful". We’ve now seen the rise of men demanding reciprocity from women in 2024. They want flowers, dates planned, and effort put into their happiness—the same amount of effort they put into making their partner happy.
The problem with this is that men are leaders and hunters. Even if the intention is pure, it is a demented expectation. Why are you approaching a woman to ask her to date you, only to expect her to reciprocate the effort? In other words, if you approach a woman, say you like her, ask her on a date, and spend $100, that is fair. If you expect her to then spend $100 on date number two, that is unhinged because, had you left her alone to begin with, she would still be $100 richer with more makeup to use for a different occasion.
The discourse between men and women happening today is primarily due to men lacking the intelligence to articulate themselves well while also lacking the resources to remain consistent to achieve their desired goal. A father who puts his child in basketball lessons averaging around $200/month does so with the goal of his child one day being accepted to a D1 university and later scouted by the NBA. He invests short-term to achieve a long-term goal. A man who approaches a woman needs to do so with the intention to invest short-term to achieve a long-term goal (e.g., relationship, marriage, kids).
If his goal is not any of those things, then it’s easy for him to expect her to reciprocate early on, which is not only toxic but also shows that he is an inadequate future partner and leader. Once men grasp this concept, selfish women will either cease to exist or be left alone long enough that they will have to change to achieve their long-term goals—if those goals include companionship.
A woman’s independence can be misinterpreted as selfishness in relationships, whether platonic or romantic, but the catalyst for change needs to come from the people around her setting firm boundaries, exhibiting exemplary leadership skills, and having the gift of discernment to know when it is time to kick her to the curb. Just as women are not men’s mothers and should not be raising them, a man should not be raising an adult woman who is not his child. She is her own responsibility. Stop dating selfish people in general and allow them the space to work through their trauma without you.
by Danielle Wright
