How the 'Soft Life' Trend Is Shaping Dating Expectations
Is ‘girl boss’ culture…dying?
In 2014, Sophia Amoruso popularized the term with a hashtag prefix in her autobiography, which was later adapted into a TV show of the same name.
Its usage was defined by perceived empowerment, and the rest is history. To be a girl boss means having big dreams and being willing to work hard for them. Most women will go to school, find good internships, work hard, get into a career, and then climb the corporate ladder. Take Sex and the City’s Miranda Hobbes, for example: the successful attorney turned mother and wife who was still unwilling to give up her career to cater to her family.
Opposite her, we have Charlotte York, her best friend who, from the very beginning of the show, made it clear that she was all about the submissive role—no buying apartments, only renting, for example. A timeless classic, the show allowed viewers to see two women with completely different mindsets thrive in the same friend group. However, their differences eventually came to a head when Charlotte married Trey MacDougal, a successful surgeon.
She decided to quit her job at the art gallery, a decision Miranda objected to… covertly. Despite attempting not to pass judgment in front of Charlotte, Miranda made her objections known when pressed by Charlotte, notably by not congratulating her on the decision. Similarly, Miranda showed the same contempt for her best friend Carrie, who, after dating Aleksandr Petrovsky for a limited time, decided to uproot her life to move with him to Paris. Needless to say, Miranda was the quintessential girl boss, while her friends embodied a soft-life approach.
Next, let’s take a look at the men Miranda, Carrie, and Charlotte dated, attracted, or ultimately settled down with. Steve, for Miranda, is very laid-back and doesn’t sit in his masculine energy. Next to Miranda, he exudes many feminine traits and almost seems irresponsible, like another child she is raising. Carrie and Charlotte, on the other hand, attracted men who embodied masculine energy (with Trey being the exception due to his “momma’s boy” tendencies). Despite this, Trey was also hardworking, a provider, and a decision-maker when it counted.
For instance, when Charlotte and his mother argued over whether she could keep the apartment, Trey took swift action and resolved the dispute, leaving the home to his then-estranged wife. Carrie’s relationships with Aleksandr Petrovsky and Mr. Big also followed this dynamic, as she was consistently allowed to sit in her feminine energy—something both men seemed to appreciate. Was she always put together? No, but she often embodied the “damsel” archetype, which made her attractive as a woman who needed a man.
Her dynamic changed in Sex and the City 2, when she entered what could be described as her “villain era” after marrying Big. However, she quickly realized that her marriage would not last unless she changed or compromised—and she did. The soft life trend seems to be gaining momentum for several reasons: women want to do Pilates, cook, and clean at their own pace.
They seek to experience less invisible labor—the type of work that often goes unnoticed, such as remembering meetings, appointments, and overextending themselves for their family’s well-being. Women desire more downtime to spend with friends and to explore their hobbies. This shift places women in their feminine energy and in a space where they can feel safe and inviting to their partners. It also fosters personal growth when dating, encouraging women to reflect on their needs, values, and boundaries, ultimately leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships. No woman wants to have to lead in every aspect of their lives.
"Women desire more downtime to spend with friends and to explore their hobbies. This shift places women in their feminine energy and in a space where they can feel safe and inviting to their partners."
For women who do embrace being a corporate professional, they are often faced with intellectual challenges that primarily require their mental energy—while men, by contrast, tend to excel in physical roles. If a woman is mentally extending herself at work and then comes home to care for her children and husband, she may begin to feel underappreciated and could start to show early signs of aging. Women are meant to lead a less stressful life where they are not constantly making decisions for everyone around them, regardless of the reward.
So, is the emergence of the soft-life trend shaping dating expectations? Yes. More and more women are seeking providers—men with means and good leadership skills. They want to retain their youth and live in their truth, which is perfectly acceptable. For many men, the act of providing for their wife is not an issue. The problem today, however, is that women are pursuing this lifestyle at a time when the economy is unstable and unpredictable—nearly everyone is struggling, including men with corporate degrees or those working blue-collar jobs.
To combat this, some men argue that not every woman should have such high expectations, whether due to her looks or personality. Women aspiring to lead a soft life are not deciding to do so solely because they are pretty or conventionally attractive. They are fully aware that some form of labor will still be required of them—whether it’s picking up dry cleaning, sewing clothes, or packing lunches. Most are willing to contribute to a relationship with a man who deserves this level of commitment.
Additionally, some women have noted that the soft life, for them, simply means that their livelihood with their partner is not dependent on their income. In other words, they are okay with working, but they want to escape the pressure of potentially losing their home if they fail to come up with their half of the rent. This is the type of burden many women want to avoid—on top of the expectation to sexually satisfy their partner whenever and however he pleases.
It’s important to remember that, in some marriages, perpetual consent is often assumed. This means that regardless of a woman’s mental or even physical health, the law can interpret her husband’s demand for sex—sometimes even taking it without her consent—as within his rights, with little to no repercussions in certain jurisdictions.
Has dating evolved, or have we gone backwards? Perhaps the answer is both yes and no. No woman should be 100% reliant on a man—she should be able to take care of herself in minimal ways, such as maintaining her beauty or traveling with close friends and family. However, being in a relationship with a man and residing with him should allow her the opportunity to lean into her femininity—also known as the soft life—without feeling guilty or judged.
Women should strive for change and always aim to do what’s best for themselves, regardless of what others may think or believe. It’s your world; he’s just living in it.
by Danielle Wright
