How Practicing Self-Gratification Leads to Better Intimacy in Relationships
It seems that these days we’re all chasing intimacy, some more than others. While intimacy is different for everyone, one thing remains true: sex is important in romantic relationships. After working on an article exploring why men cheat on their wives or girlfriends during pregnancy, I started to wonder, “Can practicing self-gratification lead to better intimacy in relationships?”
Many Christians believe that masturbating when married is a sin. But what if it’s one of the many things that can help sustain a relationship? Childbirth, in and of itself, is a traumatic event, and unfortunately, it’s not always treated as such. Men should be more mindful of their partners and their needs once the baby is born.
A question that has come up frequently is, “Why do so many couples break up after the woman gives birth?” The answer is often relatively simple: the man wants to have sex, and most of the time, the woman is either physically unable to or feeling too uncomfortable to enjoy this moment with her partner.
It can take up to three years for the body to fully recover, as opposed to the three days or six weeks typically recommended by doctors. Most of the time, this six-week recommendation is framed in a way that gives men hope they’ll be able to resume sexual activity sooner rather than later.
It’s a sad reality that this generation struggles to build healthy relationships. Some men will either cheat on or leave their pregnant partners, citing reasons such as, “We don’t owe each other anything,” or “She’s changed, and we’re not having as much sex as we used to.” But the truth is, we do owe the people in our lives something—especially the women who birth our children and raise them.
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We owe women respect, understanding, love, and so much more. The lack of support many women feel in relationships is astounding—not to mention the disrespect they sometimes face even before the relationship begins. Yes, we often joke about men who become aggressive or angry after a date when the woman they were with decides not to have sex with them, whether it’s immediately after the date or after weeks of seeing each other. But the reality is no laughing matter.
One young woman shared her story online about a time she went on three dates with a suitor. After the third date, she agreed to spend the night at his place, but she was both inebriated and tired. In the middle of the night, he woke her up and asked her to leave—having already called her an Uber. She was confused and had no idea why he suddenly decided to send her home.
After sobering up and speaking with him the next day, he explained that since she wasn’t interested in having sex with him, he felt it was best to end things. This is not a unique experience. The fact that she opened up and shared her story is commendable because situations like this happen far too often to women.
Why do some men feel entitled to women’s bodies during courtship—or even after childbirth? It’s disgusting, really, and can make women feel robbed of their autonomy as self-respecting individuals.
The introduction of self-gratification in relationships—or even having a conversation about it during a date night—is crucial. Despite what others might think, encouraging masturbation within a relationship can actually be beneficial. For example, incorporating bdsm toys, such as blindfolds or light restraints, could create new and exciting dynamics. Picture this: wearing a blindfold or restraining yourself while your partner pleasures himself, allowing for a shared yet independent experience of intimacy.
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This approach may be unconventional, but it allows you, the woman, to avoid penetration—whether you’re still healing after giving birth or simply not in the mood for traditional intimacy. Either way, consider this an opportunity for you and your partner to try something new while still enjoying the benefits of intimacy. On the other hand, if you’re single and enjoy masturbating, consider incorporating sex toys into your routine to help your body become familiar with reaching its climax independently. Whether you have a partner, are single, or are dating someone who travels frequently for work, this practice ensures you won’t miss out on the benefits of a fulfilling sexual experience—especially a good orgasm.
When it comes to self-gratification, there are numerous benefits to consider. One of the most notable is an increase in libido. For men, it’s often recommended to masturbate before a date to prevent overly aggressive or irritable behavior toward their partner. Masturbation helps you explore your body, which can enhance sexual confidence and activity. Additionally, regular sexual release lowers stress levels and promotes relaxation, both of which can positively affect libido.
Masturbation also increases blood flow to the genitals, improving sensitivity and making sexual activity more enjoyable. For those who may feel disconnected from their sexuality, self-gratification can serve as a way to rekindle interest and excitement about intimacy. More importantly, it allows individuals to take care of their own needs, reducing the pressure on their partners to fulfill every intimate desire.
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This simple practice can have significant benefits and may even contribute to the longevity of a relationship. Many happy couples who’ve been together for 20, 30, or more years often share similar advice: be friends first, respect each other’s boundaries, and never keep secrets. Self-gratification could be one of the hidden gems that help sustain these long-lasting relationships. However, because masturbation is still considered taboo by many—particularly among Christian believers, especially within marriages—it’s often not discussed openly for fear of judgment.
Ultimately, relationships are between two people, not the entire world. Always prioritize your needs and your partner’s needs. Don’t feel pressured to adhere to societal norms that don’t align with your unique relationship dynamics.
by Danielle Wright
