Does He Remember Our Date?

Ladies, let’s talk about the ghost in the room. We all have a few special spots in the back of our minds where we keep those who distance themselves after a few dates or nights of steamy, hot texts. At some point, we’ve all met a sweet, smart, and interesting guy who, despite our best efforts, completely charmed the pants off us and left us agreeing to a romantically lit dinner on a Friday night.

During dinner, we catch ourselves nonchalantly tossing around jokes and laughing at his corny remarks. At this point, the date seems to be going well. The conversation flows effortlessly, you laugh a lot, and finally, you part ways at 11:30 p.m. You go home happy—swept away, even. After connecting, you catch the feels, and if your hunch is correct (because seriously, how many first dates last five hours?), so did he.

The next morning, you wake up excited, eagerly waiting for his next text. Hours of waiting silently stretch into days, weeks, and then months. Nothing. Turns out your hunch was wrong because you never heard from—or saw—him again.

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This type of man goes down on your list as the “one-date wonder” and will forever be remembered as the ghost you could have potentially formed something beautiful with. He gets written off as “one of those things” in your mile-long line of dating mishaps. And that’s okay. We mend our broken hearts by hastily calling up our girlfriends (or moms, because let’s be honest, moms know best) and erasing his name from existence.

But you can’t help but wonder what happened. Was it something you said? Did you misread all the signs, and he wasn’t as into you as you thought? If that’s the case, why did he extend the date for so many hours? After days of racking your brain, you decide there’s only one thing left to do: set aside your ego, sift through your old messages, find Don’t Call’s number, and send him the most annoying text imaginable: “Hey, I hope you’re doing well. How’s life been?”

After holding your breath for what seems like hours, he finally responds: “Hi! I’ve been well. How are you?”

So, he does remember you. Now, you spend the rest of the day searching for answers as to why he ghosted you. Finally, he explains: “We got along really well! At the time, I wasn’t looking for anything specific. I was only interested in sex and didn’t feel okay continuing a relationship that wasn’t going to be serious in the long term.”

He had a good point.

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Yes, in the long run, he should have been upfront about his intentions from the beginning—because, heaven forbid, we need to eat another pint of ice cream to drown out his name. But this experience should help you realize that, no matter how great the chemistry, a good thing will never go anywhere if you’re not both looking for the same thing.

At the start, you couldn’t give this guy the no-strings-attached sex he was looking for, and he couldn’t give you the cozy movie nights and flowers you craved. Chemistry is a wonderful thing, but it’s not enough if both parties aren’t fully committed to building something together. So, if a dreamy first date fizzles out, chances are it’s probably for the best. We’ve all heard the saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” and in this case, it rings true. I remember spending so much of my dating life seeking closure, believing I couldn’t find peace of mind without it. But I’ve learned that chasing closure often made things worse for me.

To save yourself the heartache, become okay with not having all the answers—and just move on.

by Kayla McCullough