Digital Communication Tools for Long-Distance Couples

A long-distance relationship can be a preference for many people, particularly those with avoidant personality disorder or other social phobias. However, just because it is a preference does not mean it is always feasible. Sometimes, we like who we like, whether that person is 10,000 miles away or just 10 miles. I once met a girl who was on every dating app imaginable, each set to a different location.

When I asked her why she did this, she responded, "I want to cast a wide net, and long-distance relationships mean I get to travel to different places and have an excuse to see the world." While this may seem odd to many, it’s quite normal for someone like her. Therapists describe this behavior as "having a reluctance to share and a fear of commitment."

Let's face it: if you are always traveling and meeting new men here, there, and everywhere, how can you possibly build a genuine connection with any of them? We can put this theory to the test when we watch shows like '90 Day Fiancé,' where many of the couples openly admit to using dating apps that predominantly allow them to meet men and women in foreign countries.

While some are only looking to make new friends in the foreign places they visit, others are, in fact, looking for love. Those with social phobias often express a deep interest in seeking long-distance relationships due to fears of being exposed to the scrutiny and potential negative evaluation of others or acting in an embarrassing or humiliating manner.

Upon her arrival, Jasmine noticed that Gino's home was unclean and that he is an avid porn consumer. Not only that, but the women he tends to date and marry are usually from overseas, women he can bring to America and have some form of control over. He does not have to endure being with a woman daily, which would subject him to facing his social phobias.

If he must be around a woman daily, he wants to have some power and control over her, which allows him to feel less ashamed of these social phobias and the acts that accompany them. Relationship communication tools for couples in long-distance relationships can include digital apps for dating or hard conversations on texting apps. Social phobia should be considered when you discover that someone is chronically online or an avid user of dating apps.

These men and women tend to have some skeletons in their closets, some darker than others. They have significant fears of most social situations and often have developed personality disorders. Many of us take the use of dating apps lightly, but if it were as harmless as many people believe, the dating pool wouldn't be this difficult to navigate. Have you ever begun dating someone and thought things were going great, only to discover that they’ve either updated their profile on the dating app you met them on or haven’t deleted the app altogether?

This is usually because of their social phobia, which makes it difficult for them to grasp the idea that they could be getting close to someone (you) and will have to confront their inability to be emotionally vulnerable. This potentially leads to their bad habits rising to the surface and the risk of you walking away anyway. To get ahead of this, they’ll start to line up their next contestant by staying on the apps and choosing to remain avoidant.

It’s disheartening to think that the person you believe you’re building a connection with is battling an abnormal personality disorder that they refuse to acknowledge, let alone receive treatment for. On the other hand, for those who are not in a long-distance relationship by choice, there are a number of ways to remain in communication with your partner: WhatsApp, Telegram, Facebook, and Instagram, to name a few.

However, there are a few things to take into account when you’re dating someone and their living arrangements change mid-relationship. Take, for instance, Big and Carrie’s relationship from Sex and the City. While dating Carrie, Big learns that he has to go to Paris and might potentially have to move there, depending on how things pan out with his job.

Here’s the thing, though: while Carrie is planning all the ways for them to remain in touch and even toying with the idea of moving to Paris to accompany him, Big is reluctant—having been avoidant for the majority of the series, this came as no surprise to us viewers, only, well, Carrie. Big did not want the responsibility of having her travel to another country solely for him and their budding relationship because, the truth is, he never saw her as anything more than a fling; she was the "for a good time, call" gal.

When you make the decision to commit yourself to a long-distance relationship, you want to be sure that you’re doing it for yourself and not for the other person. Additionally, you want to work through any traumas you could be experiencing, as this could be the reason you’re open to this type of dynamic in the first place. Are long-distance relationships bad? No. Sometimes these relationships are necessary, but the goal should always be to have a relationship where you’re spending more time together than apart.

by Danielle Wright