"Dates Are for White Women": How Does a Man Invest In a Woman

A Hinge user recently shared her experience on the dating app after deciding to re-download it in an attempt to find a suitable partner. After matching with a gentleman and exchanging numbers, she initiated texting by asking if he’d be willing to take her on a date. His response was, “Why do females be so pressed to go on a date? It’s like an epidemic. You wanna feel white.”

It’s safe to say this particular gentleman believes that dates are reserved for white women, or for certain people in general. But why and how did we reach this point? Forums created as safe spaces for Black women discuss why some Black men seem disinterested in courting them, often observing that these men use Black women as stepping stones or placeholders until they achieve their desired goals and then move on to their "preference."

One woman states, “They try to find those with low self-esteem and no boundaries so they can take advantage—tricking them into sharing resources so they can save their own money and get what they want.” It’s no surprise that some Black men have garnered a reputation for being indecisive about relationships, unresourceful, selfish, and unreliable in various areas.

When women bring these discussions to social media platforms or even forums here on She’s SINGLE, there are Black men who quickly respond in the comments, demanding that women clarify they’re only talking about “some” and not “all.” However, must we also consider adding “unintelligent” to the list, given that the majority are not considered quality partners, which supports the general observation? A quality man isn’t just a "nice guy"; he’s someone who accepts his role as such.

Men who go out of their way to intentionally gaslight women into believing they are good men are almost always doing so because they are aware of the bare minimum and abusive treatment their counterparts frequently inflict upon women. However, instead of speaking out against their counterparts and condemning their behavior, they disguise themselves as honorable human beings who deserve to be placed on a pedestal.

Not every broad statement someone makes has to directly apply to your unique situation, yet there are men who believe this to be untrue. They aggressively hound women in their comments to change their stance or revoke their statements altogether. The Black man's ego will be his greatest downfall as he maneuvers through life believing that, despite producing the least, he should be rewarded the most or be treated equally to his peers.

To dishonestly achieve this result, a number of Black men will position themselves so that they can be rewarded with the love and resources of a Black woman, despite not marrying her or resisting the urge to make her a single mother. The idea is, “If we proclaim out loud that we love Black women, then Black women will still date and protect us. They will also have our children, raise our children, and ensure we are not reprimanded for skimping on our responsibilities. But in reality, with our actions, we will only marry and financially assist the women who meet our physical standards—aka our preference—and elevate our social status, such as the Rubi Rose and Mariah the Scientist types.”

The average person isn’t that smart, and the ability to generalize and understand generalization is a form of high intelligence and a high IQ. Most men have a lower IQ, and as statistics show us, women are outpacing men in academia. This means they will not understand generalization as easily. But generalization and manipulation are not synonymous, so while a man cannot convince a woman based on his intellect to allow him access to her, he can play on her emotions, which will allow him access.

A man can be as dumb as a cardboard box, but since a woman is not a corporation he’s seeking employment from, intelligence is not what he’s going to lead with. Manipulation and lying are what he leads with because those are guaranteed to yield positive results. So while Black women are the most educated group in America, they remain unwed because, for the vast majority of Black women, there is no man coming to save her—take her from her parent's house, marry her, give her babies, and make her a stay-at-home wife who does Pilates by day and cooks gourmet meals by night.

She is, in fact, not hyper-independent by choice, but by force. This means that for the average Black man, hearing that Black women are now demanding dates at such a rapid rate to which they cannot keep up may seem abnormal. This is not what they planned for—they never grew up with the intention of using their intellect to get a good job that will pay well so they can date and marry a good woman. The thought almost never crossed their minds because it was not a standard in the Black community.

A man who invests in his woman will do so by recognizing that he is not an anomaly because he’s well-read and opens the door or supports her emotionally and financially. He is simply a man acknowledging his role as such and playing his part in society. Men who invest in their woman are more likely to experience the fruits of their labor by returning to a peaceful home, having the ability to say that he’s a member of a loving family, having his children attend good schools, and overall living a high-quality life that his wife has made for him.

Men who do not see this type of investment as a priority or spend their time condemning women online are not the type of men who can rise to the occasion and one day lead a household. They will only continue to fall further and further behind, complaining of systemic racism, now living in the comment sections of women berating them and lying about their income to justify their overly frenzied babble.

The sad reality is that for the average Black man, a Black woman is nothing more than a bed to sleep in at night, a fool to cook his meals, and an emotionally deprived individual who he can keep at bay with empty promises and some good dick.

by Danielle Wright