Can Social Media Algorithms Predict Your Ideal Partner?

What do you do when love is on your mind, and you can’t stop thinking about your ideal partner? Does this mean you’re manifesting them, or is the universe about to send you the complete opposite to “test” you? Topics related to love and relationships consistently attract significant interest online, with people frequently seeking advice and information about dating, relationships, and sex—driving substantial online activity.

This fascination is also reflected in the people we search for or the films and television shows we look up. For example, both Zendaya and Willem Dafoe were the top-searched actors of 2024. In Zendaya's case, it could be attributed to her steady rise as one of the most influential fashion icons of our time, perhaps even surpassing Rihanna. Additionally, the recent announcement of her engagement to Tom Holland might have solidified her position as a trending figure, potentially securing this spot again in 2025. But I digress.

The main point is that social media platforms and dating apps are designed to use algorithms to steer us in directions that serve their goals: (1) to keep us on their platforms longer and (2) to create a false sense of connection, making us feel seen and heard while implying their apps can solve whatever issues are plaguing us at the moment. This brings us to the “My Type of Men” trend currently taking TikTok by storm, shocking users with its so-called “accuracy.” But is it truly accurate, or have you been led to believe that your desires could seamlessly become your reality?

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Social media apps are designed to trigger dopamine release, with each swipe presenting content that satisfies the part of the brain associated with happiness. A good dopamine hit leaves users wanting more, and TikTok has mastered the art of understanding its audience. But how can this work to our detriment? The more we allow ourselves to be analyzed by algorithms, the more conditioned we become to rely on their existence.

These platforms become the friend we never had—the entity that “listens” to and “understands” us. In reality, they are designed to drive users to shop within their apps, funneling money into their bank accounts. It’s ironic that people often complain about financial hardships on platforms that profit off their engagement, essentially enriching their “bosses” and “oppressors.”

So, why do we rely so heavily on something that claims to know us so well that we can’t tear ourselves away—even to the point where TikTok now tells us our “type”? I gave it a try, and thankfully, it was very wrong.

Before apps like Instagram and TikTok, the concept of having a “type” in relationships and love was shaped by a complex interplay of biological predispositions, psychological factors, and societal influences. Now, it seems we’ve lost the latter two. As one X user aptly put it, “People aren’t learning social norms from being out in society. They’re learning from social media.”

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I couldn’t agree more. Those who are chronically online have unwittingly conditioned algorithms to think they know them intimately. This reliance on algorithms may lead to disappointment when reality fails to align with their curated digital expectations.

Early attachment styles and psychological imprints have historically shaped our understanding of love and relationships. For example, a nurturing and supportive caregiver might lead us to seek similar qualities in a partner. Conversely, chaotic or neglectful relationships may unconsciously drive us to seek familiarity, even if it’s unhealthy. If this is the case, shouldn’t we want to divest from the unhealthy patterns shaping our development? Yes, we should—but not everyone does.

You might have taken responsibility by seeking therapy to break generational trauma and patterns of abuse, developing standards and boundaries. But what about the millions who spend their waking moments doomscrolling and allowing apps to influence their decision-making in the real world? Social and cultural influences, such as movies, TV shows, and advertisements, often portray specific characteristics as “ideal,” subtly shaping our perceptions of what is attractive or desirable.

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For example, a recent Zillow commercial showcased two African American women pooling their resources to purchase a single-family home together as best friends. This narrative seems to reflect a shift in media, potentially undermining the idea of the nuclear family. Another Zillow commercial featured a single African American mother househunting with her daughter, ultimately settling on a home they loved. While seemingly harmless, such portrayals could inadvertently perpetuate the idea that the absence of Black men in the Black home is normalized.

Additionally, consider the heavy relationship discourse online between Black women and Black men. This does not seem coincidental. For years, social media algorithms have subtly influenced Black women to consider ideal partners from other races. Can social media algorithms accurately predict your ideal partner? No.

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The algorithm can only do two things: (1) show you what you think you want to see, based on inadvertent media and advertising (leading you to believe that this is your "type"), and (2) push whatever agenda they see fit for the masses or a targeted demographic. Do not rely on social media to define your "type" of man, because you’re ultimately setting yourself up for failure. If things don’t pan out, generalizations will take center stage, further heightening a race war. Now, is this the case for everyone? Maybe not, but again, this is always contingent upon the agenda being pushed at that time. Stay vigilant, #DitchTheDatingApps , and go outside.

by Danielle Wright