Alpha Male Traits in Bed: Does He Talk You Through It?

A healthy sex life is essential for a relationship to thrive. While many of us hear things like, “Sex isn’t everything” or “All he wants is sex,” for some, sex can make or break a relationship. Science tells us that when a woman engages in sex with a partner, she releases an attachment hormone, whereas for men, the opposite is true—they tend to pull away. Men are smart enough to know that sex isn’t everything, but that doesn’t mean they are disinterested in it altogether, nor should that be the case for you. There is a science behind sexual chemistry, and there are reasons why you may feel it with some and not others—maybe he’s an alpha, maybe he’s not. Does it make a difference?

Upon first encountering a man, women know within the first three minutes if he is someone they would have sex with—unless it is their profession or they are in a bind, Nate (IYKYK). The three things needed to attract a woman in those first three minutes are good teeth, nice cologne, and leadership! A man with a nice smile is irresistible and indicates good hygiene. Cologne, of course, is next on the list. While the scent of your cologne doesn’t correlate with your physical attributes, it signals to a woman that your overall appearance is important to you.

Related articles: How to Text a Guy Without Sounding Desperate? 

Last on this list is leadership. Men who open doors, make plans, and solve problems in the moment should they arise—men who are patient, articulate, and notice little details about the woman they’re with—stand out. Maybe her bag buckle has come loose, and you catch it; her sandal strap came undone, and you fix it. You notice her eyeing some pretty flowers by a vendor on the street, and you buy one for her. You’re a leader. You do things without being coached, coddled, or directed. This leads us to the alpha male...

Dating today is difficult not only for men but for women, too, because terms like "alpha" and "beta male" have gained popularity online. Once something spreads like wildfire, its definition is bound to change. An alpha male is simply another term for masculine, but toxic red pill content creators have flipped the name on its head, making it synonymous with being controlling, domineering, and playing hard to get.

Playing hard to get does not indicate to a woman that a man knows how to lead. Instead, it shows that he is a good follower (he matches energy), meaning he does not take initiative and will be incapable of heading a household. That is why you’re not landing a date as a man—it has nothing to do with women having higher standards and more to do with men no longer understanding their role in society.

Related articles: When to Text A Guy After Sleeping With Him 

Women are more likely to have better sexual chemistry with a man who operates from his masculine energy—also known as an alpha male—solely due to his confidence in the bedroom. Alpha male traits in bed include:
PATIENCE – He’s in no rush to get you off and no rush to stick it in. He’s an examiner, taking his time to explore your curves and ensure nothing is hidden from him. Maybe you have a sweet spot that, when suckled upon, will help you reach climax—an alpha man wants to find it, and he will.

DIALOGUE – He engages with you enough to show he’s present and in the moment, but not so much that it ruins the experience. Talking you through your orgasm is where this trait becomes important. During this time, women are vulnerable, exposed, and open to receiving. A true gentleman understands this and uses the moment to connect with his partner on a deeper emotional level, something he may not be capable of doing outside the bedroom.

GOOD MANNERS – He won’t go down on you, leave all of your juices around his lips, come up from between your legs, and stick his tongue in your mouth (this is nasty). Expect an alpha male to take his time between your legs, bringing you to climax without leaving saliva all over your clitoris and his mouth. If he’s inexperienced or you haven’t been together long, this is understandable—coach him if you must—but don’t let him make a mess and think it’s an acceptable way to pleasure you.

Related articles: What Is the Role of Sexual Identity In Relationships?

CUDDLING – He’s not in a rush to get you out of his bed and house or to leave yours. Alpha males are not players; they understand the importance of focusing their attention on one woman. The more women they have to pleasure, the less time they have to invest in themselves and their careers. 

A man who is truly pursuing his passion does not have time to juggle multiple women, which can only lead to a breakdown in communication and, eventually, the relationship as a whole. After sex is the perfect time to determine whether you’re dealing with a man or a boy—does he call you afterward? Does he send you money for food or bring you a meal? Does he remain interested in getting to know you once the deed is done?

It’s easy for a woman to feel discouraged if, after sharing one of her most valuable assets with a man, his interest in her starts to decline. But ladies, please know this is a reflection of him, not you. There is nothing you could have done differently or better to change the outcome. He was either pretending to be an alpha male, or he has not yet found his purpose—which, either way, does not make him a quality partner. Even if he chooses to stick around, he may find a way to drain you of your resources and vitality in an effort to uplift himself—this is where energy transfer begins. Be grateful that the trash took itself out.

Related articles: Fun Things to Try in Bed 

I know it’s easier said than done, but as women, we should focus on giving ourselves time to find the person who will truly make us happy. Men are great at disguising who they are and concealing their true intentions, but they can only do so for so long before the mask slips. The mask will always fall—sometimes before sex happens, and other times after.

But remember, you cannot control a man; you can only control your actions. For women engaging in intercourse before being in an official relationship, know that an alpha man who is interested may wait until after he has slept with you to decide his next course of action regarding your relationship status.

Be cool, don’t overreact, and don’t make the sex you had with your masculine man your new identity. In other words, don’t bring it up again—pretend it was nothing special for you and that you are not pressed to be his girlfriend. Instead, focus on continuing to go on dates and determining whether he has earned the ability to have you in that way again. While it’s always best to wait until you have a title, we know that things happen—women get horny, too. But respect yourself enough to understand the risks of having intercourse without commitment. You may become a FWB, or he may ghost you completely—whichever the outcome, don’t trip. Move on gracefully.

by Danielle Wright
Image Credit: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)