What to Do When She Earns More

There’s a trend circulating around TikTok that goes, “Tell him you can’t pay your half of the rent/mortgage this month,” meant to test a partner’s reaction to the news. Typically, this trend targets men, because let’s face it, most men are paying the majority of the bills—well, in some cases. One user suggested that women in 50/50 relationships should try this prank and record their partner's reaction. Unsurprisingly, the comments were in shambles, with many seeking "she earns more than me advice" to navigate similar situations in real life.

Most women comfortably shared that they are in 50/50 relationships and do not wish to start an unnecessary argument with their partners. A while back on The Joe Budden Podcast, former rapper and now host Joe Budden decided to call his girlfriend and inform her that he wouldn’t be able to pay the rent for the month. This was a prank to test her reaction.

Needless to say, she passed the test because she reassured him it was perfectly fine and that she had no problem covering the rent. Easy, right? But while this may seem simple enough, it’s not unusual for most couples to split expenses 50/50, especially if the woman earns more or if the man does not view himself as a traditional provider. Men still outearn women in most blue-collar jobs, but women are slowly bridging the wage gap in white-collar or corporate roles.

The Netflix film Fair Play depicts this dynamic perfectly, as Emily beats her fiancé, Luke, out of an office promotion he was confident would be his. Luke’s fragile ego does not take the news well, and throughout the film, you can see him slowly beginning to resent her. While this is not uncommon in relationships, it can be difficult to navigate when one partner starts to outearn the other. This shift can be a blow to the male ego, sometimes leading him to distance himself, cheat, or become emotionally or physically abusive toward his partner. But first, we need to understand why this happens.

Sociocultural expectations deem that men should be the head of their households, and this often includes being the breadwinner. Men want to feel needed in their homes, and sometimes this need can simply be, "My husband can pay this bill" or "Dad can give me his credit card to go shopping." His presence in the home, therefore, becomes essential for growth and for the home to function—without him, there’s no roof over their heads and, in some cases, no food to eat.

While there are some insidious men out there who view their resources as a means to control the women in their lives, there are also men who just want to know that they are playing their role as a man and leader in the household. It would actually give him more pleasure to see his wife and kids living a soft life rather than one of grief and anguish. Not only that, but women who are allowed to be home with the children tend to function better, and when she’s happy, it shows not only in the way she cares for her husband and children but also in the way she cares for herself.

However, when a woman outearns her partner, she can still feel at peace and show up as the best version of herself inside and outside of the home. The way to navigate this role reversal for men is to take solace in knowing that the average woman is not going to use her income against him. Instead, she’s more likely to share her resources and build a larger foundation for both of them.

Additionally, she’s also going to experience less stress, and her cortisol levels will not be high, which can result in bad sleep patterns, moodiness, irritability, and overall unpleasantness. Women who show up for themselves and continue to receive the love and support they need to be the best versions of themselves will almost always make loving her worth it, no matter the income.

by Riley Cook