Should Married Women Have Single Friends?

Sundays are for praying, energy cleansing, and… Sex and the City, of course.

While rewatching the show for the millionth time and simultaneously skipping out on my friend’s baby shower this weekend—due to being low on finances—Carrie being shoe-shamed didn’t sit well with me. In season 6, we see Carrie visiting her friend to celebrate yet another one of her milestones, and during the event, her very expensive shoes are stolen.

Her friend, who also happens to be the hostess, not only refuses to apologize for the incident but shames her for her extravagant footwear and lifestyle choices. It’s no secret that when you’re a single and childless woman, there are plenty of people who refuse to see you as a human with any real purpose. It’s almost as though choosing to remain child-free means you should be locked away in a dungeon, never to be seen or heard from again. But this begs the question, should married women have single friends?

As mentioned earlier, I was unable to attend my friend’s baby shower after spending a whopping $250 on a bridal shower gift and over $700 for one weekend—this doesn’t include food and Ubering to and from the venue. Plus, I was invited to her wedding but couldn’t attend due to finances, and luckily for this job, I was able to get some very expensive items from top brands that cater to brides and had them shipped out.

Earlier this year, I went back to visit her in her hometown for a girl’s night of wine tasting and dinner, costing me another $1,030 for the weekend. Fast forward, she learns she’s pregnant, and unfortunately, I simply cannot make it. I’ve since written to her and haven’t heard back, but she’s making time to view my social media posts. We’ve been friends for about three years, and I have never received a gift from her—not for my birthday, not for Christmas… nothing.

So, while I don’t think I should feel bad for not being able to splurge on both a trip and a gift, yet again, I can’t help but wonder if she’s upset with me. As someone who is all about supporting the people in my life, I do expect some form of reciprocity. However, it’s easy for friends who are reaching major milestones to become so consumed with these changes that they unintentionally act selfishly toward others with different priorities.

In Sex and the City, Carrie is a 35-year-old single woman with an extravagant shoe collection who dates well-off men. Let’s face it, her boyfriends are never poor, but she’s never been the hopeless romantic chasing after a ring and baby like her best friend Charlotte. This doesn’t make her abnormal; she’s just a carefree woman who likes her money where she can see it—“hanging in her closet.” So why are single women often demonized, and why can our friends be so hard on us?

As one woman shared via TikTok, her sister asked if she could watch her nephew while she went out on a date. The creator responded with a firm “no,” which didn’t go over well. Her sister’s reply? “Why not? You’re single and don’t have any kids, what else could you be doing?” Unfortunately, this is a common expectation among married women or single mothers toward their childfree, unmarried friends or siblings.

There’s this assumption that women without children have open availability and spend their days in a robe, swirling wine, and watching trash TV. While I am a fan of these behaviors, they do not define me. I have hobbies, interests, and prioritize self-care, which includes meditation and treatments. Should this mean I’m not a priority too? Should the milestones I set for my life be disregarded just because they aren't traditionally celebrated? Married women can have single friends, but it often feels difficult—and not due to the single friend’s fault, in my honest opinion. Here’s why:

• Married women tend to think that single women are a bad influence on them and their relationships.
• They often believe that single women are irresponsible and have a carefree lifestyle.
• Some married women convince themselves that having a husband and children are their greatest achievements in life. In reality, some may even be jealous of their single friends and the freedom they possess.

Don’t get me wrong—not every woman feels this way toward their single friends, but as the saying goes, “misery loves company.” Based on what I’ve seen on social media, many married women with children seem far from happy. They’re bogged down with responsibilities and no longer feel connected to who they were before acquiring these titles, like Thanos collecting infinity stones.

While it's not impossible for married women to have single friends, is it recommended? Probably not. It’s similar to women in relationships preferring to hang out with other couples to ease their insecurities. Single women shouldn’t be shamed for their choices, and friends should be good to one another, regardless of life stages. If you're a married woman reading this, consider cutting your single friend some slack.

Surprise her with a girls' night out or a thoughtful gift. After all, if she’s there for you through weddings and showers, shouldn’t she be celebrated too? Maintaining friendships outside of your romantic relationship is key to preserving individuality. Don’t lose yourself by becoming who someone else wants you to be because of a title, especially if that friend was there long before your spouse.

by Danielle Wright