How Single Women Can Build Meaningful Friendships and Networks

In March 2016, Bumble launched BFF mode as a way for users to find platonic friends. As of 2023, in a press release, Bumble founder and CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd stated that people are more open to making friends online now than in the past. She noted that in a recent company survey, “67% of Gen Z respondents shared that making new friends online lessened their loneliness.”

As a former Bumble BFF user, I can say that the app did work—I met women whom I initially perceived to be great friends. Unfortunately, much like dating apps, these platforms create what I call a “highlight reel” profile—a curated glimpse into someone’s personality that often omits deeper truths. Some might even call it a micro-persona, as it presents a surface-level representation that may not be entirely accurate.

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While using the app, I swiped on women who, based on their profiles, seemed like they would make great friends. One of them turned out to be socially awkward and selfish, and I eventually had to block her. Another woman would get blackout drunk whenever we went out and often turned her anger on me, threatening to fight me multiple times—I kept forgiving her. Yet another young woman frequently tried to swindle me when we went out to eat, using the infamous line: “I’ll pay the tip instead of us splitting the bill since it’ll come out to the same thing.” Let me tell you—that is a trap. It’s not true; it’s just a way to finesse a free meal.

After these experiences (and trust me, there were more), I decided to delete the app altogether to protect both my finances and my mental health. Single women often seek community, whether in the form of a romantic partner or a close friend. As human beings, we are naturally social and thrive in community-based settings. However, we have become so conditioned to isolation that many of us no longer know how to attract like-minded friends or romantic partners.

We like to tell ourselves that people are not a monolith, yet we go online and listen to someone tell us—along with 400,000 other people—how to wear our hair, what drinks to order at a bar, what clothes to wear if we want to be approached by men, how to speak, how to act… essentially, how to become a carbon copy of the person next to us. If we’re all adopting the same beliefs and norms, how can we expect to have a single free thought or connect with anyone who isn’t using the same social media platforms or following the same content creators?

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The lack of individuality is killing relationships and friendships. Some single women are so afraid of being alone that they conform to collectivism. If you struggle to find a man, perhaps it’s because there’s nothing that sets you apart beyond the basic traits that science says bind us together—and the same applies to friendships. Women often find it harder to make and maintain friendships because we are constantly competing with one another. The competition isn’t driven by a desire to surpass our peers but by a deep-seated fear of being judged by them.

For example, imagine two best friends attending the same university. One friend excels academically, earns good grades, and receives praise from her family. The other struggles in school and isn’t performing as well, yet they both insist that their friendship remains strong. As graduation approaches, the second friend realizes she won’t be graduating on time, while her best friend is not only graduating but doing so with honors.

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Slowly, she begins to withdraw—not out of jealousy or hatred, but out of fear of judgment. She knows that keeping her high-achieving friend in her life will serve as a constant reminder of her own struggles. Meanwhile, the first friend remains supportive, encouraging, and unchanged in her loyalty. When the second friend eventually cuts her off, the first is left wondering if she did something wrong. The truth? She didn’t. But the quiet competition among women is nothing new.

Women looking to build meaningful friendships and networks should seek out spaces where they share common interests with others. These could include boss-girl brunches, Match Me with a Bestie here at She’s SINGLE Magazine, work-related conferences, church, or even mutual friends. Apps like Bumble BFF are not ideal for meeting friends because they throw people from all different stages of life into the same space and expect them to get along. As we reach new personal and professional milestones, our social circles naturally evolve to meet our immediate needs.

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The best approach is to engage in activities you genuinely enjoy and find friends in those spaces. Here are a few I recommend:

SILENT BOOK CLUBS
Unlike traditional book clubs, these involve meeting up, reading silently, and then chatting afterward—creating a low-pressure way to bond. Our next Silent Book Club meet-up is on March 30th at 4 PM EST via Zoom. You can sign up today to receive the invite! The book will be announced on February 21st.

CLOTHING SWAP PARTIES
A fun way to refresh your wardrobe while meeting like-minded women who share your sense of style and sustainability values. This is especially great for women who work in hospitals or group settings where it’s easier to extend invitations.

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BE A REGULAR AT A LOCAL EVENT
Instead of spending thousands to attend a festival like Coachella, consider supporting your local theater or band when they perform in your community. If the event is outdoors, pack a picnic and bring a good book to read while waiting for it to start. There's a good chance you’ll meet someone who asks about the book you're reading or the snacks you're enjoying.

JOIN A SKILL-BASED CLASS
Activities like pottery, improv, self-defense, or mixology classes can introduce you to women with shared interests in a relaxed setting. This one comes last because some of these classes attract couples, which might make you feel out of place—but it's still worth exploring!

I hope you enjoyed this article, and if you’re attending the Silent Book Club this March, see you there.

by Riley Cook